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Top 7 FUNNIEST Auditions on America’s Got Talent EVER

September 12, 2019


My name is Dustin Dojo and I’m a trained black belt. and I learned to be a black belt at Roger Baker’s Taekwondo and Pizza, Pensacola, Florida. This is my friend Terry and I am his sensei. When I moved here from Pensacola, I didn’t have very many friends and Terry, did not have very many friends either. I saw his mom, Harriet, at the parlor, and she said that she had a son named Terry, and we instantly became friends. What we do is very hard and not anyone can do it. My job is a karate expert I make karate videos and teach other people how to fight off attackers. I make karate videos and teach other people how to fight off attackers. My first dream is to be a karate expert and to teach everyone in the whole world to fight off attackers. And then my other dream is to star in karate movies. Ok well umm. Yes the greatest thing i’ve ever seen, why are you always turning around You, never know, where there’s gonna be an attacker so you, always have to be on guard Are you, worried that you’re gonna get attacked here yeah and although there’s many attackers good oh Are you gonna do a demonstration yeah, today we’re, gonna, do three different things first i’m gonna break wood and terry’s gonna hold it and then You’re, and then we’re? Gonna break the world record for most full extension. Punches thrown at 60 seconds and then finally i’m gonna throw A karate combo and when i least, expect it terry’s gonna throw salt into, my, eyes i’m gonna fight through the pain *claps* This, is fantastic you don’t get it as you can see i handled that pretty, well negating the harlan Hello, what’s your name? Melissa Visignore. And what do you do for a living, well i work at a retail store. Are you happy about that? Not really, no. And what do you want to do for a living? Comedy. i want to be a comedian and impressionist. Well good luck. Thank you. Let’s see what you got. Alright here we go. This is Barbara Walters and today on my show i have award-winning, actress, Natalie Portman. Natalie, i hear you’re having a baby. I am Barbara. We’re thinking of naming the baby, Oscar but that’s that that’s silly, because that’s, my cat’s name? Hey, y’all it’s Miley Cyrus, what’s up? What dad? No i’m not, gonna clean, my room right now!. Want me to clean out your bank account? Okay, Cathy up in here yeah, okay so here’s the deal. Okay, so the celebrity i really hate right now is Christina Aguilera, yeah because she totally messed up the star-spangled banner’ am i right in good Well Melissa i don’t think that you will be working in retail much longer Oh i’ve got to say i thought that was a sensational audition You showed us everything. You showed us phenomenal right on voices and impressions You showed us great comedy and you yourself are adorable to watch and you are a star and we all? It’s a yes for me, oh, yes? What’s your name my, name is daniel how old are you i am 23 years old? And tell us what do you do for a living i am actually a sales representative for a few radio stations in mid ohio? So what you gonna be doing for us today i am going to be singing for you Okay, can i ask you have you been performing a lot, this is actually, my first time in front of it audience shut up So this is a big deal so just take it in and you know What don’t think, about it don’t think, about it just do it got it go Not so serious for why, the speed, oh? We’re just getting started don’t you tiptoe tiptoe A hill, race parmenter. A street race time to caress release Will be run with me hey Real, bike ran to see fair real right back to see rap a real pro fearfully bedrock refrain for sleep Talk to me baby Sweet sweet craving, while let’s lose our minds info frenzy crazy, yay If i hope it will be states by the ocean walk for me baby Let’s do our minds and go crazy, crazy Barely paid by the ocean to, me Crazy, there’ll be a fire video thank you yeah, i guess testing, okay, mmm We could go on all night, like, this yes you, want to yeah i would be great What is your name my? Name is ray gesell would you share with us your age is that really of meat i’ve got plenty to share yeah 84 Eighty-four are you excited to be here i’ve never performed before judges before I’ve appeared before judges Brain what will you be doing for us today a, song i’ve written can’t, wait to hear it alrighty thank you Thank, you sir very good wonderful Okay, and for my second song i’d like to? i I met this girl She’s just great this girl i just adore the problem is She has much more than I had bargained for She’s got that style… She’s got that smile… she’s got the walk… She’s got the tuck… She’s got that zing… there’s just one thing… she’s got a penis She’s got that flare… She’s got that face! That girlish great sweet it’s got pizzazz, too, bad she has a penis Always, some failure always, some flaw ain’t that what. They call Murphy’s law, but male genitalia that’s where i draw the line besides hers is bigger than mine a, mess cuz, under that dress she’s P-E-N-I-S be patient The third, one give them like go to third It is amazing five guys on the stage and you were so in sync I loved it it was fantastic and if you come back i am definitely coming back with something that will top this whoa wow I, was just kind of a bit gobsmacked because i didn’t know, where to look could all Who to look at but you’re one of those acts that i would literally, want to see again and again and again let The same thing i found it fascinating simon, what did you think i thought that was fantastic christopher imagining in my head when i go home tonight and my girlfriend says, what, was your day like a word Explained the whole day Which is going to be difficult but that’s, what i love about this show. You just never know. What’s going to happen? It was really good fun audience loved it it was a great What do you say, yes? good answer me thank you Freddie but it’s you already, yeah i’m a go-getter Good evening good evening welcome to america’s got talent see you thank you, oh you’re, welcome and who are you i’m david and i’m leaving and He’s nature, we switch them probably should there you go perfect did you see what i see your magicians, we are magicians yes Wow now, is that what you guys do for a living i’m a. High school philosophy teacher And you, what do you do they’re, probably, gonna cheer you even louder i’m a. Barista So you’re, gonna do magic for us we’re not going to show. You a trick though we’re. Gonna show You a demonstration of pseudoscience and for this, we need a volunteer actually howie Howie could you join us on stage Now have a seat? now if you’ve heard of phrenology For knowledge for knowledge you filling the bumps of the school to figure out personality traits we’re, not gonna Do that dave and i came up with pressure for knowledge that’s right that’s By, squeezing parts of the skull, we can, actually get you to lose the ability to do certain things Worse pseudoscientist, we are pseudo-scientists tonight you have to touch but that’s, okay i came prepared, okay? Do you mind if i pressure for an all your head If i squeeze here you lose the ability to play the piano can. You play the piano, no they, don’t amazing If i squeeze here you lose the ability to a standing backflip can you do a standing backflip, no americal And if i squeeze here you can, no, longer read that’s right We brought these cards with words written on and these words all pertain to you howie, okay? I will once again pressure for an all you know, what i’m gonna press i’m gonna squeeze your head Taking, away his ability to read and now, no longer read judges yes or no can You, read this word yeah yes how, a yes or no can, you read this Yes, okay, go ahead and sound it out what’s not a, what can i Okay, but judges you can read this right, we right now to make sure we’re out do anything trick, we have a game ready yeah tell me it Judges yes or no can you read this Yes and it’s word you know. Yes the word you know. Okay how are yes or no can you read this Barn, boots, what is it? See one loan or agree that they can read it but you’re a, boot, why, is that a word you know one more yes yes Howie just what this last one was this one What it says? He is no longer pressure phonology so you should be able to read judges yes or no key was that saying comedian perfect, yes or no judges can, you read this yes Germaphobe, perfect. Okay, and yes or no judges can you read this? yes and my, name Howie Sounds that i made are not the words you saw now, we said the same three words comedian howie mandel and germophobe know So joke on me right i’m into, like pranks, and stuff this is a prank on me Wow i got to tell you how he you couldn’t see it but i’ll tell you i love this Illusion or whatever it is or how he’s a moron i don’t know, what him It was so much fun to watch it was great your presentations great you guys are Likable you came out here you switched names it feels, new, and youthful and you made howie look like a jackass Who doesn’t like that? I don’t know how you did it but I loved it, I want to see more can, i please do this next time, yes yes next time i’ll be Your, whole charisma your delivery it was great but, what i loved the best is how stupid you are? I didn’t see the thing but i hear it was fan? Howie i’ll tell you something as someone who, saw It i’d love to kick off the voting and vote these guys in and say yes i want to see Hey, the definite yes from me and i wrote down, my vote but i can’t breed, it i’m just gonna say yes Hi, there youtube, fans, we want to thank you so much for watching so you could, subscribe now Or watch more of america’s got talent and all you got to do is click right here Thank, you very much need, how many of you here tonight already to enter the land of make-believe Looks, like how, he’s already in the land of make-believe Which makes you the perfect. Person to join, me up here on stage would you mind let’s hear it for howie mandel everyone yes thank you in your Own time howie i understand you’re allergic
The longer and longer you take the shorter my act i quite understand have a seat there howie tonight live from Radio, city you are going to become a human ventriloquist dummy Okay, now all you have to do All you have to do is keep looking out there all right let, me do all the talking, okay? And i’ve got to say that’s a pretty good fit By, the way this is charlie are you, okay, charlie yes thank you First of all we got to find you a voice i mean it matches your physical appearance something butch something macho are you, okay? Well it shots me it shocked me i was only joking you want to change the voice no no i like it Okay, i want to say, hello to my, fans you Want to say hello to this look just turn the people on the right give a big wave say hello hello Nicely done now the people on the left, say hi to them And now the people right up to talking, my big sexy hello, hello Did you see them waving back Yes now stop touching, me what get away, what’s touching, me what do you mean i’m not touching get, away? Okay, all right all right, is that far enough perfect Hey, how are you doing that I’ve got a little controller in my hands here, oh wow. That’s amazing He’s got a controller he can, control me yes, that’s right, oh now, we can, have some fun i don’t Want to be a judge no i want to be an act you Want to be an actress you go and judge me you, want me to judge you Yes, go, and sit in my seat i can’t sit in your seat, no no i insist well if you insist Hello, fellow judges It’s great to be here okay so i can’t believe i’m a. Judge on america’s got talent so what’s your name? My, name is my name Sorry, i get nervous, don’t worry take, your time My, name is harry hello good evening how. And what are you gonna do for us tonight tonight i want to do my dancing Look, you you, don’t have to know now i really, want to Okay, so do you, have, some moves you, like to show us yes stand up first of all? Okay first of all i’d like, to stretch i’m gonna, do some stretching i’ll just stretch my arms like, this and My, legs like news Okay, so now i took this. This. Okay, what are you, gonna, do i’m gonna show. You my twerking so i Turn around i turn around i Put my hands on the seat and i wiggle like that Is that it oh? Yes hang on let me turn around, again yes, okay, so that was fantastic don’t make, me laugh though i can’t make you talking i love So, what are you gonna do for your performance this evening tonight i’m gonna, do some irish dancing really naked i Really, don’t think this is the show. Fit so, well when you’re ready the stage is yours? You make a living teaching karate?

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