– I’ve never seen any birth in person. – Except for my own. I was there. (yelling)
(peppy music) – Oh, you missed it! – No one asked for it so
we’re giving it to you. We’re about to watch animal births. – You know what’s crazy? Snakes lay eggs and snakes eat eggs. How could they be so heartless? – Today we are watching animal births. – I love animals. I don’t really care about birth. – The animals always drop to the ground. – This is the try not to ah challenge. – I think it’s more of the ugh. – They’re walking around and
then their butt explodes. And then another creature just (thumping), holy cow! – I actually have had
the pleasure of showing animal birth videos to some
of the creme de la creme of the Hollywood elite. I’ve shown the videos to Shawn Mendes. (groaning) Camila Cabello. – Oh my god! – Joe Jonas. – Oh no! – What up Joe, know you’re
watching, thanks for being a fan. – Was this during the period
when you worked at Buzzfeed? – Buzzfeed? – You know that company
that you used to work for? The lists. Click on this animal birth to find out which pop singer you are. – First up, chicken.
(dinging) – Look at all those chickens. – Now chickens don’t give birth per se, they lay eggs and then
they breakout of the egg. – You know so many of those
eggs are unfertilized. So you’re not eating a baby. – Yay!
– Oh cool. – This is what I wanted. Push little guy, push, push, push. – Oh, push, push, push. – So how do they fertilize the eggs? Does the man chicken he just comes and like comes on the eggs? – No! No. – Push, push. – You just think that
a rooster goes across, just shoots his load on
the eggs to fertilize them? – I don’t know. – It looks like if you’re looking into an older man’s bald spot. – Push, push. – I thought the male chicken
just walks into the coop and just goes (blowing). – All right, well we’re
gonna amp things up times 10 right now because we’re going straight from chicken to gorilla. – A gorilla, yes. – This is probably the
closest to a human birth. – It’s so open. – I know people don’t like
to believe in evolution but I mean look. – I mean it’s seriously just like. – That’s the vagina.
– The vagina. – One to one. – Oh that’s–
– Pushing it out. – A gooey balloon. – Wow. – It looks like it’s a big mouth spitting out a little mucus covered baby. – Oh, there it is! – Oh! – Oh!
– Oh! – Yeah, get that hay all over that baby. – Oh my god.
– Wow, that was cool. Aw, she immediately cradles it. – This is so much cuter. Did she just lick it? – The miracle of life. – Also, let’s talk about
the resilience of a species. That baby squirted 10
feet across the room. And it’s doing mostly fine. – I mean, that’s basically
if a human mom squatted and just pooped the
baby down on the ground. – Which we don’t endorse. – Oh yeah.
– Oh yes. – The tiger. – Ooh, it’s my animal. (roaring) – Whoa.
– Whoa. That’s getting big. – Oh.
– Oh. – Oh, look at the stripes. – Oh you can see the stripes. – Are you sure tigers don’t
have stripes on their skin? – [Woman] I’m not sure. – You’re asking me if I
were to shave a tiger… – [Eugene] Would they still have stripes? – If you shaved a lion and shaved a tiger, could you tell the difference? – At first it looked like
a seal coming out of it. And I was like, that tiger ate a seal. The bag is still on the baby. Or the baby is the shiniest baby. ♪ We’re breaking free ♪ – Oh, there’s blood! Oh there’s blood! – Oh god. – The tiger’s just dropping
straight to the ground. – Why is she sitting on it? – What are you doing? – All those animals lick
themselves to clean themselves. Think about licking yourself. Don’t do it, Zach. (upbeat music) How do you taste, Zach? – Pretty good. I’m not covered in goo. Do we have any goo we could cover me in? – Kangaroo. – Whoa. – Oh. It’s so small. I forgot marsupials have
the tiny little ones. – Oh my god, this one’s crazy. It’s like it’s crying out caramel. – Poetry, Zach. – It comes out in fetal stage. And makes an amazing journey
up the belly of the mama. – It’s like transferring flights. – Well they only gestate for six weeks. And then they do the rest in the pouch. – It looks like a tiny naked mole rat. You’re just seeing the red muscle. This is like some Kim
Possible nightmare shit. – Oh my god, you remind
me of the naked mole rat from Kim Possible.
– Thank you. He’s a central character, I’ll take it. – It looks like the baby’s having a baby. – It’s so tiny. – Oh no it’s the baby’s mouth on a nipple. – Let’s watch. – Elephant parenthesis sound on. – Turn it up, the
elephants are giving birth. – We are looking at
the back of an elephant and it seems full.
– It seems large. – Now you know what it looks
like a white balloon in It that’s about to burst. – Like a full water balloon
is between the legs. – All these animals, it’s like Bubble Boy, starring Jake Gyllenhaal, is
emerging from a secret pouch. – All of your references for
our audience are very 2000s. – Oh here it comes, here it comes. Go elephant. Just let it go. – Oh! You missed it.
(yelling) – It’s still happening.
– Yeah! – Oh, so much blood. The elevator in The Shining opens up. – That is a lot of fluid. Ever drank two bottles of red wine and then at the end of the night just projectile vomited everywhere? – You know when you’re at a water park and there’s the big bucket of water and it fills up and then it dumps out on all the little kids. It was very reminiscent of that, but with blood. – That was a full Hurricane Harbor. – Boy oh boy, it’s still bleeding, huh. It’s just a river of blood. – The baby isn’t moving. – Don’t kick the baby. – She’s like kick that. – She kicks it to wake it up. – I have trouble waking
up in the morning too. Elizabeth, get up!
– Playing soccer? – You’re born now, we gotta go. – The baby’s eyes are
like, what just happened? – Oh look at it trying to stand up. Wow, it did it. (bleep) humans, right? – Oh got ’em up. – This went from horror movie to children’s cartoon in like that. – I also love that animal babies are way more equipped when they’re born with how to function than human babies. – That’s ’cause their
brains don’t have to form. It’s an evolutionary advantage, but it puts us at a disadvantage
for a good long time. It’s called childhood. – Up next is a horse. – What’s going on with horses that make their bodies so shiny? They look like they’ve been freshly oiled for a bodybuilding competition. – Ooh.
– Every time. Oh.
– Oh. A side birth. – Lie on their side to do it. Oh she looks alarmed. – Yeah, I don’t blame her. – Now there goes the bag. – It looks like a paper airplane is coming out of the vagina. – I don’t like how she’s
kind of convulsing. – It’s only one foot. Look at the horse’s face. – You have no idea what that
mother is going through. – I don’t. – I see a single hoof. – Oh, get it out. – This is stressing me out. – Okay, now a human’s coming to help. – A horse doula. She’s like, do you want some water? And the horse is like, get away from me. – Where is my husband? – Is she gonna yank on the horse? – The human lady is yanking the hooves. – She’s kind of ripping the
sack open with her hands. – The horse girl is wearing no gloves. No gloves, no apron, she’s
just got her normal clothes on. – Oh there we go. Get out. Get out, you can do it. – Come on girl, yah. – Oh, oh, oh, oh. – Whoa, whoa, whoa. – Oh baby.
– Whoa, baby out of nowhere. – That happened all at once. It was like nothing but two legs and then the little guy’s
like scrambling out. – Yo, nice.
– Yeah. Oh that was it’s head, who knew? – Yeah, the head was behind it’s hooves. Horses are so majestic. Do you ever look at a horse
and just think, I’m so ugly. – I think that all the time, Eugene. – We have beluga whale up next. – Yeah, we’re getting under the sea. The water adds a whole new dimension. Who knows what’s gonna happen. They’re gonna go…
(gurgling) – It’s the fluid that gets me. – But there can’t be fluid in this one because they’re underwater, right? – Oh, so cute. – I’ve heard about the baby beluga, but I’ve never thought
about where they come from. – Oh look at its little fin sticking out. – That’s funny, two
tails next to each other. – It’s like… – Say it, I know you’re gonna say it. – No.
– Yes. – I wasn’t thinking that. – Just say it, Zach. – What do you think I’m thinking? – You’re saying it looks
like a double pronged penis. – I wasn’t, but that’s funny. You’re very funny, Eugene. Oh!
– Oh! – It came out so graceful, and
then just a rocket of blood. – Oh, that was some fluid. – It’s like when you
drop food dye into water, but the water’s the ocean and
the food dye’s the baby goo. – It looked like it was erupting
blood out of its genitals. – It’s like, magic! Poof like a magician. In a cloud of smoke. Or blood. Baby. – Didn’t expect that. – That’s what they call a water birth. – Which uterine fluid is… – What? – Baby pee. – Oh, there you go. Drinks his own pee. – Delicious. – Or hers.
– Or hers. Or theirs, in the case of twins. – Their own pee. – That’s why they can
communicate telepathically. – That’s right. – Giraffe! – That’s sort of my mascot. – It’s pooping. – Poop is still coming
out of the butt hole. – Did you know that giraffes
poop in small pellets, ’cause I just learned that too. – Ooh, it’s happening. – You see legs and a head. And it’s just like coming out like this. – Well this sucks because the butt hole is over the vagina hole so
it’s just pooping on its baby. Now you may say I’m being crude,
but I’m being descriptive. I’m doing my job right now. – Whoa!
– Oh! – It somersaulted down. – That’s a far distance to fall. – There we go, yes mama. – Hello I’m here. – Oh, I’m covered in goo,
and I fell from the ceiling, and there’s poop on me
and it’s not even mine. – I mean they commonly say
that the most traumatic experience of anyone’s life is birth. You just don’t remember it. Imagine if once you
turned 40 you had to like birth again, like shoot ourselves through a tiny wet tunnel, head pops out, and then we’re thrown basically in (crying) an entirely alternate
universe to breathe again. – All right, let’s move on to the goat. – I hope this is just
that Taylor Swift video. – Here comes the goat. Mm-mm, don’t like that. – Birth is happening. – Looks like the bug caught in the amber in Jurassic Park. – Yeah!
– Woo! – Yes! – Oh man, there’s just like
a certain point and boom. It has two babies. Rachel, it’s like you. – Rachel, this goat is just like you. – Did you also go, baa? – Uno, dos. – I think this one comes
out a little easier. – No. – The first one’s already standing up, look how cute it is. – Oh, baby goat. – I’ve never spent so much time looking at beige and red liquid. What did you expect
this video was gonna be? You guys made it, you clicked on it. What do you want me to say? – Here it comes. – What other things could
I possibly say about this. – So much fluid. Seahorse birth, yeah. – This is something that my good buddy, Shawn Mendes, showed to me. I’m not trying to brag, it’s
just the person who showed me. I gotta live a cool life. – It’s true, Shawn Mendes. – I just went to google Shawn Mendes. – He dreams of everyday
when he talk to you again. – Seahorse giving birth is basically just a guy ejaculating underwater. – It looks like he’s just
sneezing out of his wiener hole. – Wee!
– Ooh! Whoa!
– Whoa! – This is 33 seconds of thrusting. – Pow, yeah, ooh. – Imagine if that’s how we made babies. – Oh, if only. Well it’s a little bit. – But not fully developed babies. That would require different equipment. – And that’s it. Just like that we’re done. But we’re never done, are we? Because every day, why
every minute, every second, new life enters this
world, and it’s beautiful. And it’s filled with liquids. – Red liquids. And beige.
– And beige liquids. – What have we learned today? – I learned what a goat’s
butt hole looked like. (rock music) They keep asking me to update my Microsoft and I don’t know how to
tell them to stop asking me. I’m not gonna update my Microsoft. You need to stop sending me
these reminders everyday. – Gorillas are so cool.