Articles, Blog

The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life

October 7, 2019

The attachment theory argues that a strong emotional and physical bond to one primary caregiver in our first years of life, is critical to our development. If our bonding is strong and we are securely attached, then we feel safe to explore the world. We know there is always that safe base, to which we can return to anytime. If our bond is weak, we feel insecurely attached. We are afraid to leave or explore a rather
scary-looking world. Because we are not sure if we can return. People who are securely attached are said to have greater trust, can connect to others and as a result are more successful in life. Insecurely attached people tend to mistrust others, lack social skills and have problems forming relationships. There is one type of secure attachment and there are 3 types of insecure attachments: Anxious/Ambivalent Anxious/Avoidant and Anxious/Disorganized. In responses to distress, the first 3 react organized, while the last acts disorganized. To understand the theory better, let’s look at
Mr and Ms Smith, who have 4 children. Luka, Ann, Joe and Amy. The Smiths are lovely parents, who cuddle, make frequent eye contact,
speak warmly, and are always there for their kids. But one day Mr Smith falls very sick and dies. For Mrs Smith life now becomes very difficult. She spend all day working, while at the same time trying to care for her children. And impossible task. At 6 years of age, Luka’s brain is for the most part developed, his character strong and his world view shaped. The new situation does not affect him much – he knows there still is always mom – his safe-haven. He feels securely attached. Later he turns into a trusting and optimistic
young man. His self image is positive. Ann, who is 3, has problems coping with the
new lack of attention. To Ann, her mother now acts unpredictably. She is anxious about their relationship, and as a result becomes clingy. To get her mom’s attention, she has to raise her emotional state and scream. When her mom finally reacts with a predictable response, she herself acts ambivalent and doesn’t show her true feelings. Later in life, others think Ann is unpredictable
or moody. Her self image is less positive. Her attachment style Anxious Ambivalent. 2-year old Joe, spends his days with his uncle, who loves him, but thinks that a good education means being strict. If little Joe shows too much emotions or is too loud, his Uncle gets angry and sometimes punitive. This scares Joe. He learns that to avoid fear, he has to avoid showing his feelings – also in other situations. As an adult he continues this strategy and has problems to enter relationships. His image of himself is rather negative. His attachment is: Anxious Avoidant Amy, who is just one year old, gets sent to a nursery. The staff there is poorly trained, overworked and often very stressed. Some are outright abusive. Amy therefore becomes anxious of the very people she seeks security from – a conflict which totally disorganizes her ideas about love and safety. As she is experiencing fear without resolution, she tries to avoid all social situations. As an adult she thinks of herself as unworthy of love. Her self image is very negative. He attachment is anxious disorganized Our attachment is formed in the very first
years of our lives, a time when we are too young to communicate
our anxiety and as a result can experience high levels of stress. Then our adrenal gland – an organ sitting on top of our kidneys – produces the stress-hormones adrenaline and cortisol. The heart rate increases, the blood pressure goes up and we become alert. If that happens frequently, it is called toxic stress. Toxic, because it impairs the development
of a child’s brain, and weakens the immune system. In embryos or at a very young age, toxic stress can even switch the expressions of genes, which can affect our health many decades later. By simulating a Strange Situation, we can assess an attachment style, already by the age of one. To do this, we let the child play with their
mothers for a few minutes inside a room. Then the child is left alone. The key moment is the child’s reaction when
her mother returns. Securely attached children first usually hug
their mother, then can calm down and eventually get back to playing. Insecurely attached children can be
ambivalent and avoidant. Some can’t stop crying or refuse to continue playing. The long term effects of our attachment in the early years, are well documented. Using the theory, researchers at Minnesota University were able to predict already at age 3, if a child would dropout of high school with 77% accuracy. In another study, undergraduates at Harvard were asked to assess how close they felt to their parents. 35 years later they were ask about their health. 91% of those who said they had a rather broken
relationship with their mother, were also diagnosed with health issues, including coronary artery disease, hypertension, and alcoholism. For those that had reported a warm relationship, the figure of poor health diagnosis was just 45%. But there is another reason
why the early years deserve special attention. They are the starting place for subsequent
behaviors. A kid that feels securely attached at age 2, can make friends at kindergarten. Their worldview gets reinforced with every interaction and they develop optimism. As a result they make good relationships at school, then at colleague and later at work. Highly insecurely attached children can miss out on this opportunity. Psychologist John Bowlby, a pioneer in attachment theory, allegedly said, “What cannot be communicated to the mother, cannot be communicated to the self.” In other words: those who feel insecurely attached, might not quite understand themselves. To get to know who they are and what they feel, they might have to go way back in time.

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  • Reply The Spiritual Coach August 2, 2019 at 6:24 am

    That is awesome I got through this on my Channel too! Absolutely love this Channel 👏😊🙌

  • Reply Daniel ___ August 2, 2019 at 4:25 pm

    this video needs a billion views LMAOO

  • Reply Christian Owen August 2, 2019 at 7:35 pm

    Well, shit this explains a lot lol.

  • Reply B. Olmstead August 2, 2019 at 11:24 pm

    Incredibly interesting, but it left me with more questions than answers! All the same, I now have something new and fulfilling to read about instead of politics!

  • Reply bartakin August 3, 2019 at 12:45 am

    Smart people attach to Jesus Christ, your soul doesn't belong to a human and relationship's are bonded and built through the mind of Christ,in order for a lasting union and a thriving one this is required ! Lust is a fail and a trap !

  • Reply DesiraeElaine August 3, 2019 at 2:07 am

    This is why paid Maternity leave for AT LEAST 6 months is so important. Babies need their moms. And mommy’s need their babies. It’s literally for mental health. I don’t understand why is is proved over and over again and some people still think moms should be fine to go back to work 6 weeks or even sooner after birth.

  • Reply New World Rising August 3, 2019 at 3:03 pm

    Social Services needs to know about this so they stop ripping kids from their parents and randomly dismantling countless families, so we can look forward to generations of future trauma victims, caused by their actions "in the best interests of the child".

  • Reply TheLeah2344 August 3, 2019 at 3:23 pm

    Am I the only one who had a good childhood until I became a preteen and that’s when everything went downhill ? Especially since the recession of 2008 started when I was a preteen. I feel like what I went through as a preteen and teenager still affects me in adulthood to the point I had to get therapy.

  • Reply Peter Mogensen August 4, 2019 at 7:29 am

    This is pretty much simplistic nonsense.

  • Reply david ackerman August 4, 2019 at 10:03 am

    luca's brain is fully developed at age 6? really? on what planet?

  • Reply Lawrence Hughes August 4, 2019 at 4:06 pm

    I had a good childhood with a strong attachment to my parents, but I find myself constantly surrounded by people who have the opposite.

  • Reply Jocelyn Polino August 5, 2019 at 4:52 am

    I scared that when I grow up I won't be successful in the future because of the environment I am growing up in.

  • Reply allie misses nct 127 August 6, 2019 at 2:34 am

    my childhood was amazing. loving parents, good grades, trustworthy friends and there should be no problem. however, my brain can't produce enough chemicals to maintain happiness so if i act with ambient avoidance but my childhood was good, what does that mean?

  • Reply harmony arakaki August 6, 2019 at 9:24 am

    Me over here realizing that I’m anxious avoidant 😐

  • Reply k lover August 6, 2019 at 12:05 pm

    This is soo true

  • Reply Michael Sumbayak August 6, 2019 at 1:22 pm

    im little Joe + Amy.
    i spent my first 20 years with my father's family.
    i have no problems with my parents, but my aunties and uncles always punish me everytime i make them dissapointed even when i have done my best. and they always mocking me and my family as the unintended family.
    i know they love me (when i sicked they take care of me and they help my school), but until this age, i dont know how to show my feeling. and always avoid any social contacts as much as i can.

  • Reply sanaa Xoxo August 6, 2019 at 1:23 pm

    Fuck parents

  • Reply Khaled Kendouci Tani August 7, 2019 at 11:19 pm

    Don't have kids people .. let's go extinct

  • Reply hannya August 8, 2019 at 1:36 am

    I'm anxious ambivalent and anxious avoidant 🙂

  • Reply Mr. RoBeing August 8, 2019 at 10:39 am

    Another episodes of "Why this is on my recommendation?"

  • Reply Colonel Dick Faggotson August 8, 2019 at 11:46 am

    I cant tell which one i am

  • Reply Agnes Landry August 8, 2019 at 2:06 pm

    I'm a very trusting person who also have many friends. The first 7 years I had good attachment until the twins were born, the attachment became little to none. Things are 100% better now but I have many issues both mental and physical.

  • Reply xX LittleMissArtist Xx August 8, 2019 at 3:02 pm

    What if I am all these attachments at the same time, which I switch through every day even though I have a 6 member family, that is caring, strict, attentive, etc. I switch through shyness and being an extrovert on the flip of a dime?

  • Reply Madalina August 9, 2019 at 12:30 pm

    I can't wait to give birth to my son already – to make him feel loved and teach him all about the world

  • Reply Veerja p August 10, 2019 at 9:33 am

    I have had amazing parents but still had trouble making friends

  • Reply mici835 August 10, 2019 at 11:41 pm

    I'm anxious disorganized.😵

  • Reply Rodrigo F Gamer Respeita August 11, 2019 at 10:44 pm

    The oldest memory I have is about my father was when I was playing with my toys on the balcony and I looked inside my house and I saw a cat walking towards me, then my father appeared, caught the cat by its neck and threw him against the wall. The cat hit the ground dead, I can clearly remember the look at the cat's face, blood running through its mouth and ears, that was the only memory I have about my father. I was 3-4 years old, my father died when I was 5. I have a bad memory, for me to remember something I have to review it by over and over, but I'll never forget about it. Imagine your friends asking questions about your father, Where he's? Where does he work? Where is your father? What do you remember about him?

  • Reply Yin Aranzamendez August 12, 2019 at 2:11 am

    This is indeed legit.

  • Reply Tristian Martin August 12, 2019 at 10:59 pm

    My childhood detects that this is probably fake

  • Reply Jaime Bosch August 14, 2019 at 6:43 pm

    An alternative title could be "how to blame your parents for everything that happens in your life"

    Ok ok, parents can be partially guilty (sometimes), but people, lets not forget our own responsability of our own acts

  • Reply leJINdary genie August 16, 2019 at 3:31 am

    ….oh…now it makes sense

  • Reply First world problems August 19, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    Wtf… this is literally accurate. I have 3 brothers and I’m the only girl. I’m 2nd oldest too. My parents didn’t die though but they did get divorced while we were young. My older has a good gf and good income. He’s seen as the more prominent child out of us all. Me I didn’t really like attention as a kid and hate it as an adult but I am moody all the time and people think I’m just a grumpy person in general. I downgrade myself a lot too. My brother below me has problems opening up and keeping relationships too.

  • Reply Cesar Camacho August 20, 2019 at 1:06 am

    My mom never hug me or tell me she loves me. My dad never teach me shit. Now, i feel like a complete waste of space

  • Reply Hala August 22, 2019 at 11:12 am

    Can a person have mixed situation of the last 3 or more of the middle 2

  • Reply Chinmay Sisodia August 22, 2019 at 2:27 pm

    So do you have any solution for adults with this problem

  • Reply kikaygirl tatak August 24, 2019 at 12:07 pm

    I love this vid!

  • Reply destiny August 25, 2019 at 4:49 pm

    I know a lot about psychology and didn’t expect anything but new knowledge watching this, but holy fuck I had some light bulb moments

  • Reply Piman Mann Jaques August 26, 2019 at 2:08 am

    I wonder what sort of attachments enslaved people would have developed.

  • Reply scottymocap August 28, 2019 at 1:20 am

    That music is awful. Very distracting and goofy. Is this a comedy video? Why have loud, silly music in the background? Poor choice, whoever you are who decided to put that music on there.

  • Reply Kevin Yoka August 28, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    This remind me of azula and zuko

  • Reply Paul Petroff August 31, 2019 at 10:35 am

    lol programing had this in seach when i looked for weed caregives 😂😂😂😂😂

  • Reply Fatema Zohora August 31, 2019 at 7:57 pm

    My mom died when I was seven years old. After that, my father started to keep himself busy with work to avoid the situation. Even though I grew up in a joint family, with my grandparents and my cousins; I always felt alone. I used to play with myself. As I was always the less loved child in my family, I never got even a single hug or some affection from anyone. This made me close minded and very insecure.

    I was surrounded by so many people but still, I was alone from inside. An eight year old had to cry in a dark room so that nobody else can see. I had to hide my jealousy when my other cousins got gifts and I got none. I had nobody to tell how my day went.
    Now I'm 18 years old and still I am vulnerable. I can't share my pain with anyone, I can't make friends and I always feel insecured. I wish my life was better.

  • Reply Yōshanai September 1, 2019 at 1:34 am

    Teach your kids how to cope with rejection.

  • Reply Alyssa Marie Barbac September 1, 2019 at 3:44 am

    I really love this kind of video I hope there's a video of moral judgement by kohlberg

  • Reply Roosje Keizer September 6, 2019 at 10:29 am

    That's odd. I had an abusive father and a mother who never stood up for me or my siblings and yet me and my siblings are trusting in life as well as people and all of us have good social skills. One of my sisters is a school teacher and the other one works at an employment office with direct interaction with the clients and I myself am a nurse.
    On top of that, we have always been adventurous and outgoing people.

    I think the out of family social envoirnment plays a significant role too in a person's developement.

  • Reply Yur Jhr September 7, 2019 at 4:00 pm

    Anxious disorganized here. Lol 😞

  • Reply Lashon Hunter September 8, 2019 at 12:33 pm

    My father was accept my mom died when I was 16 pretty ruff time however I'm 43 now&I find it hard to connect with anyone other than my sibblings

  • Reply ALBER PAJARES September 8, 2019 at 1:51 pm

    ¡’M anti social justice,..

  • Reply J Palm September 9, 2019 at 4:33 am


  • Reply Jamal Baker September 9, 2019 at 7:29 am

    Liberal Sweden with their mandatory daycare voted this down.

  • Reply Laineee September 9, 2019 at 1:41 pm

    I dont know why this was recommended to me. But earlier I was just thinking how I was raised to become what I am now today. Growing up, I have never been able to express my inner self even to my parents. I was this type of kid that follows evrything what my parents please, be it on academics or values.They were a perfect parent figure but never really have the type of bond that gives me freedom to express my truer self. They teached me to be proper in an overly sense. I was emotionally independent my entire life and now Ive been struggling to connect with other people.

  • Reply Aleksander Blinn September 9, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    1. Do not be rude in speech (3:159)
    2. Restrain Anger (3:134)
    3. Be good to others (4:36)
    4. Do not be arrogant (7:13)
    5. Forgive others for their mistakes (7:199)
    6. Speak to people mildly (20:44)
    7. Lower your voice (31:19)
    8. Do not ridicule others (49:11)
    9. Be dutiful to parents(17:23)
    10. Do not say a word of disrespect to parents (17:23)
    11. Do not enter parents’ private room without asking permission (24:58)
    12. Write down the debt (2:282)
    13. Do not follow anyone blindly (2:170)
    14. Grant more time to repay if the debtor is in hard time (2:280)
    15. Don’t consume interest (2:275)
    16. Do not engage in bribery (2:188)
    17. Do not break the promise (2:177)
    18. Keep the trust (2:283)
    19. Do not mix the truth with falsehood (2:42)
    20. Judge with justice between people (4:58)
    21. Stand out firmly for justice (4:135)
    22. Wealth of the dead should be distributed among his family members (4:7)
    23. Women also have the right for inheritance (4:7)
    24. Do not devour the property of orphans (4:10)
    25. Protect orphans (2:220)
    26. Do not consume one another’s wealth unjustly (4:29)
    27. Try for settlement between people (49:9)
    28. Avoid suspicion (49:12)
    29. Do not spy and backbite (2:283)
    30. Do not spy or backbite (49:12)
    31. Spend wealth in charity (57:7)
    32. Encourage feeding poor (107:3)
    33. Help those in need
    by finding them (2:273)
    34. Do not spend money extravagantly (17:29)
    35. Do not invalidate charity with reminders (2:264)
    36. Honor guests (51:26)
    37. Order righteousness to people only after practicing it yourself(2:44)
    38. Do not commit abuse on the earth (2:60)
    39. Do not prevent people from mosques (2:114)
    40. Fight only with those who fight you (2:190)
    41. Keep the etiquettes of war (2:191)
    42. Do not turn back in battle (8:15)
    43. No compulsion in religion (2:256)
    44. Believe in all prophets (2:285)
    45. Do not have sexual intercourse during menstrual period (2:222)
    46. Breast feed your children for two complete years (2:233)
    47. Do not even approach unlawful sexual intercourse (17:32)
    48. Choose rulers by their merit (2:247)
    49. Do not burden a person beyond his scope (2:286)
    50. Do not become divided (3:103)
    51. Think deeply about the wonders and creation of this universe (3:191)
    52. Men and Women have equal rewards for their deeds (3:195)
    53. Do not marry those in your blood relation (4:23)
    54. Family should be led by men (4:34)
    55. Do not be miserly (4:37)
    56.Do not keep envy (4:54)
    57. Do not kill each other (4:92)
    58. Do not be an advocate for deceit (4:105)
    59. Do not cooperate in sin and aggression (5:2)
    60. Cooperate in righteousness (5:2)
    61. ’Having majority’ is not a criterion of truth (6:116)
    62. Be just (5:8)
    63. Punish for crimes in an exemplary way (5:38)
    64. Strive against sinful and unlawful acts (5:63)
    65. Dead animals, blood, the flesh of swine are prohibited (5:3)
    66. Avoid intoxicants and alcohol (5:90)
    67. Do not gamble (5:90)
    68. Do not insult others’ deities (6:108)
    69. Don’t reduce weight or measure to cheat people (6:152)
    70. Eat and Drink, But Be Not Excessive (7:31)
    71. Wear good cloths during prayer times (7:31)
    72. protect and help those who seek protection (9:6)
    73. Keep Purity (9:108)
    74. Never give up hope of Allah’s Mercy (12:87)
    75. Allah will forgive those who have done wrong out of ignorance (16:119)
    76. Invitation to God should be with wisdom and good instruction (16:125)
    77. No one will bear others’ sins (17:15)
    78. Do not kill your children for fear of poverty (17:31)
    79. Do not pursue that of which you have no knowledge (17:36)
    80. Keep aloof from what is vain (23:3)
    81. Do not enter others’ houses without seeking permission (24:27)
    82. Allah will provide security for those who believe only in Allah (24:55)
    83. Walk on earth in humility (25:63)
    84. Do not neglect your portion of this world (28:77)
    85. Invoke not any other god along with Allah (28:88)
    86. Do not engage in homosexuality (29:29)
    87. Enjoin right, forbid wrong (31:17)
    88. Do not walk in insolence through the earth (31:18)
    89. Women should not display their finery (33:33)
    90. Allah forgives all sins (39:53)
    91. Do not despair of the mercy of Allah (39:53)
    92. Repel evil by good (41:34)
    93. Decide on affairs by consultation (42:38)
    94. Most noble of you is the most righteous (49:13)
    95. No Monasticism in religion (57:27)
    96. Those who have knowledge will be given a higher degree by Allah (58:11)
    97. Treat non-Muslims in a kind and fair manner (60:8)
    98. Save yourself from covetousness (64:16)
    99. Seek forgiveness of Allah. He is Forgiving and Merciful (73:20)
    100. Do not repel one who asks (93:10)

  • Reply Kristina Young September 11, 2019 at 1:34 am

    I do lack social skills and don't trust anyone. My dad was an alcoholic and mom's on meth. I've since then cut them off. My mom and dad both hated me. I just try to spoil my babies my twin boys. As much as possible and ill always be there for them.

  • Reply Kristina Young September 11, 2019 at 1:49 am

    There's life after childhood abuse. My parents just never showed us kids attention would yell scream. I was such a negative person and my self esteem was non existent until i met my husband. He has a wonderful caring family that love him and our twins so much. Its the family I've never had. I don't ever treat my kids the way i was. They are both in a good school now and they are happy. My husband's a great dad and provider. I deserve it. Everything I've been through.

  • Reply Kim Zastrow September 11, 2019 at 12:31 pm

    That is because people are lab rats and by that I mean somebody stupid little science experiments so we can have a miserable life because somebody else is a clown

  • Reply Des Marshall September 11, 2019 at 3:51 pm

    GOING back in time WONT solve the can't untie the KNOTS..Be Present, be HERE NOW..BE mindful..BE aware..Your thoughts are NOT facts..they come and go like buses..they are just's the EMOTION you put into a particular thought that makes IT powerful..IE positive or negative..there is no past, only in your head..what EVER you did in the..SO CALLED did it in the NOW..IE then was NOW.. THATS the miracle of past NO future only NOW always was always will BE..

  • Reply Marsha Creary September 12, 2019 at 4:44 am


  • Reply Gevorg Chobanyan September 12, 2019 at 5:21 pm

    Call your mother right now. If she's alive.

  • Reply KrysstyK September 13, 2019 at 4:57 am

    Yeah, I'm already lost, but I will do everything I can, to make my kids live their best life!

  • Reply PaperParade September 13, 2019 at 5:01 am

    As a Minnesota native, I was really thrown off when you called the University of Minnesota, Minnesota University.

  • Reply Michael Davis September 13, 2019 at 5:03 am

    A psychiatrist described me as anxious avoidant. At first, I thought it was a contradiction. eg. I want to cling and run away at the same time.

  • Reply _Spinel fangirl_ September 13, 2019 at 12:56 pm

    Im the anxious ambivalent. No i was not neglected by the early years but when my father died… (i was turning 11) i had no emotional support. Because of my father loss i became extremly moody and agressive in my school. And what can i say my mom can't express her feelings towards me well so it hurts so much. I even tried to get her attention by drinking alcohol, self harm, etc. But nothing seems working… I miss my father sometimes i even try to commit suicide to be with him

  • Reply robraver September 14, 2019 at 11:30 pm

    I wouldnt want kids these days, this world is so screwed up and on the brink of something bad. I feel sad about it though, bringing a new Life into the world, so they can experience how beautiful it is…but then they got to run the gauntlet of school and bullies etc.

  • Reply Nick Stacey September 15, 2019 at 2:14 pm

    I hate when some say "oh, that happaned a long time ago; get over it." Yet, the events of the past shapes the conditions of our future. 😐

  • Reply Dennise pz September 16, 2019 at 7:03 am

    I'm definitely anxious disorganized

  • Reply S-Cut September 16, 2019 at 10:52 am

    I got raised like Luka, but I am like Ann ._.

  • Reply scott novak September 17, 2019 at 4:52 am

    thats bs

  • Reply lucille chandel September 18, 2019 at 6:04 am

    What happens if you have all three complexes

  • Reply Nisha Halai September 19, 2019 at 2:36 pm

    Rudolf Steiner and Waldorf Education have advocated healthy parenting for many decades. It comes down to understanding the phases of soul development in line with Nature cycles and rhythms, in and around the evolving human being.

  • Reply Rasec Fish Whisperer September 19, 2019 at 4:05 pm

    The most noble work anyone can do, is to raise a child. Being a pilot, astronaut, CEO or janitor should be in service of stay at home moms

  • Reply AlwaysSo XSocial September 20, 2019 at 2:23 am

    Great descriptions!!

  • Reply Travis Brontide September 20, 2019 at 5:12 am

    I tried to cut my shitty mom out my life my dad let her live with us even tho theve been divorced & she called the cops & i got assaulted .-. Right after comming outta physical therapy now i gotta do it again i feel so low

  • Reply Magic_Zach September 21, 2019 at 7:07 am

    I'm anxious avoidant, apparently. Doesn't make me feel any better though, or any more confident socially. I knew I have a scar, but now I have a name for it.

  • Reply Magic_Zach September 21, 2019 at 7:16 am

    I wish I could go back in time to my childhood, to fix the moments that will effect the rest of my life.

  • Reply adinda puspaka September 22, 2019 at 1:30 am

    does this sprouts account have podcasts on spotify?

  • Reply Talkindurinthemovie September 22, 2019 at 2:08 am

    Anxious Avoidant where my people at!

  • Reply Ruveyda Yilmaz September 22, 2019 at 3:34 pm

    Can you please add Turkish subtitles.

  • Reply YourGirlSudanny September 22, 2019 at 8:19 pm

    Very informative video!

  • Reply Gem Castro September 22, 2019 at 9:57 pm

    Anxious ambivalent

  • Reply Mark Prothero September 23, 2019 at 6:45 pm

    And yet some will still insist there's nothing wrong with being a single parent or our divorce rates.

  • Reply Nikki Pettway September 24, 2019 at 7:04 pm

    The "world" talks about Soo many dimensions, yet "success" is acquired by such a lowww frequencies!

  • Reply C Alston September 25, 2019 at 1:56 am

    So, how does one fix themselves?

  • Reply Michael Weskamp September 25, 2019 at 4:44 pm

    Hmm. Dad was either at work, with his sports, or frickling with the house and mostly silent. With mom i mostly kept an armlong distance since i often didnt know for she was going to hug or slap me. I didnt trust her. Fighting with my brother for acceptance. Didnt have much friends, most time none, since when you cant trust your family who can be trusted anyway. Still only had friends some time in adult life and mostly not for long. I dont like crowded and noisy places. I am quite ok with that. Sometimes thinking would it be better with more people close to me or would that just be stressful.

  • Reply Michael Weskamp September 25, 2019 at 4:48 pm

    And then things like that said:
    That hitting you hurts me more than it hurts you.
    Telling other people i will forget that soon, since i am young with me standing besides.

  • Reply Sky reacts to anime! September 25, 2019 at 6:45 pm

    I grew up with my mom loving me and my older brother so much while my dad hated my mom but they tried to take there relationship. And one of my best friends has distant parents and they don't care about her. So that's why we act so different…

  • Reply seeyouagain911 September 26, 2019 at 1:59 am

    How about if you experience everything presented here? What would that make me?

  • Reply Rayuga X September 26, 2019 at 8:23 am

    I had awful childhood ima give my parents 2/100. But nobody no fucking person other than me decides how my lifes gonna be. P.s. i kinda totally hate my parents

  • Reply Stephanie O September 26, 2019 at 12:34 pm

    My little brother is 1 and smacks ppl around to: move faster, he out of his way, and jus because. What does that mean?

  • Reply devilish cat September 27, 2019 at 5:54 pm

    so before you plan to impregnate women think if you can be a father because who knows what you can make if you disown a child maybe psychopath a sociopath a serial killer a broken human being,,

  • Reply Shadow4 Cat September 30, 2019 at 10:27 pm

    So I'm in 8th grade right now, I has no friends throughout my childhood and the maximum amount is 5. Also my friendships usually last about 1 to 2 years. What does that mean for me?

  • Reply asills423 October 1, 2019 at 2:09 pm

    This is helping me look inside my childhood. I do have great parents, but due to culture, this did not apply back then. I was cuddled at times, but not overly expressed when I was a child. I kissed, smelled, and coddled my son. I wanted him to explore life to the fullest and be a great individual. My son has ASD, and he is excellent, but my life took a different path. I grieve that path because no one can realize the pain associated with the challenges. I lost my husband in the same year he turned 4 years of age, and I am positioned in my son's life doing self-direction for his life and making sure he continues to develop. I am exhausted and in graduate school, and I don't know if social work is my coursework. I wanted something else, I did, but I have marching orders to do this first. I don't see the plan for my life as yet. Everyone that has commented below this, I see and hear you. You are phenomenal parents. These children have it hard enough, they don't need to wonder if they were loved. Be blessed and move forward.

  • Reply AndreastheRed October 1, 2019 at 3:54 pm

    While this comment section is sad, it is also lovely how kind everyone is being to one another. Now that is unusual on the internet.

  • Reply Suellen Rocha October 3, 2019 at 12:56 am

    Jesus Christ can be the healing for all your suffering!! He really Is.

  • Reply Kathy Wedzik October 3, 2019 at 10:09 am

    Toxic stress, good way to describe the result of my childhood, and really bad parenting,

  • Reply Kathy Wedzik October 3, 2019 at 10:15 am

    Insecure parents unnecessary jealous parents destroy their children's lives on purpose on behalf of their 'favorite' child

  • Reply Kanishk pratap singh October 4, 2019 at 7:22 pm

    Any professional psychologist please put some light on whether this is pseudoscience or not ?

  • Reply cherryv bebe October 6, 2019 at 8:49 am

    YouTube are most kids parents these days. Honestly most of us don't have perfect parents or a perfect childhood, but what we've experienced as kids to adulthood can be us taking some steps back and try to learn or understand accept and forgive. Those experiences can make us smarter stronger and perhaps try to strive to be better people or parents ourselves. If that makes sense. Don't carry negatives your whole life, you're in charge of you.

  • Reply Wild Marie October 6, 2019 at 12:30 pm

    dammm this hit hard I saw me my little brother and my older brother and my daughter in different parts 💔

  • Reply T C October 6, 2019 at 7:13 pm

    This is why basic child psychology should should be taught in high school or something. Maybe if kids are taught about this, they will keep it in mind when they become parents themselves. This is so important and I wish more people were educated about this.

  • Reply Chloe October 7, 2019 at 8:30 am

    My mom tried hard to interact/snuggle with me a lot when i was a child and she was a very genuine and nice person but was very disorganized and sort of immature honestly.. For example she would skip our meals and have us make our own meals for dinner and almost never cleaned the house. When i was a teenager she started working and she would talk on the phone all day. She even worked on weekends and during holidays. and i wanted her attention so bad as a teen. Now i feel like my personality is very confusing and I’m really anxious and insecure. I find it difficult to interact with people and can’t figure out how to socialize. I wish to make friends and be my genuine self but i’m just so confused about myself. One of my biggest wish as a teen was to live in a genuine, caring, loving, and well-organized family. Idk if i should be blaming my family for my problem or if i should just blame my personality and social anxiety. I feel like im just getting more and more insecure by day. My mind is just so complicated

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