The Bachelor finale
was last night, and here’s the main man,
Chris Harrison. (cheering and applause) Look at that, a standing O. All right. Good to see you, bud. Have a seat, bud.
We got to get to this. -Thanks for coming. All right.
-So… I watched last night. Oh,
what a roller coaster, Chris. Oh, my God. -HARRISON: An emotional ending.
-First of all, the audience feels like it’s all women. It’s a bit of a, like,
a rush week at Delta Gamma. I don’t understand.
See, that’s all chicks. -Uh…
-Look at that. -That guy’s up to no good,
whatever… -Yeah. Oh, he made it in.
He squeaked through. -HARRISON: Yeah.
-SPADE: Somebody’s dad. Um, just a quick recap
for everyone. I think we all saw it. -Yes. Yes. Love it.
-We all see it? Okay. -I was there.
-So, uh, it was down to Hannah Ann
and the virgin Madison, right? -HARRISON: Yes. -And then
he took them to Australia. -Yes. -By the way,
I was waiting for Hannah B. to pop out of a kangaroo pouch. “Hey, y’all.
Guess who’s here to ruin it.” Uh, and he winds up
picking Hannah Ann. And then he gives her a ring, but then he switches to Madison,
uh, a while later. -HARRISON: Yeah.
-Didn’t switch. He… He stopped it with Hannah Ann. And then in the show,
that must have been weird, because did you have
an ending ready? Well, here’s the thing. We
weren’t really worried about… ‘Cause any ending you have
is-is what it is. -SPADE: Yeah. -And if he
doesn’t end up with somebody, that’s fine. It-it happens. Um, the show’s
never been predicated on the fact
that it works every time. -SPADE: Right. -That’s not
real life, so that’s fine. -Or at all.
-But with… Yeah. -Or at all.
-Eh. -Uh, shh! Nobody knows.
-SPADE: Yeah. Yeah. People are still watching. Uh, but no, when he broke up
with Hannah Ann, then I-I went to Alabama,
and I talked to Madison, and they were still both
very much into each other. And we thought,
let’s give it a shot. She goes, “Let me throw
my eyelashes in a suitcase, -and I’m right there.”
-(laughs) “Ah!” But the star of the night
was Barb, Peter’s mom. -You even had a Barb cam on her
the whole time. -Yes. -ALONZO: Yo.
-Look at her. Those chains. Um, Peter’s mom really had
a lot to say. And-and I– And-and she
did not like who he picked. -So here she is. -Um… -Chris,
all his friends, um, all his friends,
all his family, everyone that knows him
knows that it’s-it’s not– you know,
it-it’s not gonna work. So we’ve been trying
to help him. -Would we want it to work? Yes.
-(gasping, cheering) Chris, he’s gonna have
to fail to succeed. That’s it. (gasping) I would have been
like Napoleon Dynamite. “Mom, get out of here.” -I mean, she’s…
-I-I really thought we were a chair throw away
from Springer. It did look a little– It was inching
in a Springer area. -Yo, Barb was crazy.
-Yeah. She looked like an emoji,
you know what I mean? Like, she looks
like her middle name is Let Me Talk To A Manager. Like, you know what I mean?
Like, you know what I mean? And she got out, like, “Let me
talk to the manager, okay?” She goes,
“Y-You know, Peter’s a loser.” She’s telling Madison. “He puts Mentos in Coke!” Uh, Madison’s a troublemaker,
according to Barb. But it was such daggers.
I couldn’t believe it. And, uh,
I feel spin-off with her. It was, uh– I was–
I was shocked, only I just didn’t see that
coming. And I-I could tell, as soon as
I got there onstage that night, I could see Barb. I knew
she wasn’t in a great mood. But I-I didn’t know
what she was mad at, and I didn’t think
that was what was gonna happen. I didn’t think she was
just gonna roll right over Peter like that. And even
when we tried to fix it, I thought, “Okay, we’re gonna
come back from this, “and she’s gonna say, ‘You know
what, at the end of the day, that’s my boy.'” -It just never got there.
It rea… -No. -It got worse and worse.
-It-it sort of got deeper. Yeah, it got deeper. ‘Cause it was like,
if you’re the girl, that’s like the red flag store
went out of business. -(laughter)
-Like, when you’ve got so many things coming at you. And then, the dad’s got
that leather jacket like he’s Smokey
on the press tour. Um, he looks
like Burt Reynolds, yeah. But I think Barb– she’s not gonna be
in Bachelor in Paradise. -That’s a rumor.
-She had no idea. I hadn’t even heard that one. (laughter) -I love it.
-I-I… I… I heard she proposed to Hannah
Ann right after the show. (laughter) Now, there was, uh… Oh. So no one panicked when-when
he had the problem with… Hannah Ann was a champ
last night, by the way. -She was awesome.
-She was smooth. -She’s already in paradise.
-Yeah, she’s got it made. -Yeah. -I mean,
everyone was pulling for her. She had one point three billion
people slide in -to her DMs last night.
-Oh, yeah, she… And she’s already in paradise. -She was a hit, and, uh…
-Yeah. -(laughter) -Hey, girl. -Yeah.
-(applause and cheering) Hey, girl. Don’t -even worry about it, girl.
-SPADE: Don’t you worry, girl. -Did, uh… -You are so strong.
Women power. I was too busy
talking to Victoria. -I like the crazy.
-(laughter) Yeah. Victoria F. Well, did they, uh… Oh, yeah,
there was a rumor that… Did Peter, uh, hang out
or something, fool around with one
of the producers or something? -Was that something that…?
-Yeah, we can -categorically say that’s
a big “no.” -Oh, it was a “no”? -No, that didn’t happen.
Yeah, and-and… -Okay, good. Okay, good, ’cause I thought
she’d pop out, too. J-Julie… Julie was there. Julie was there working anyway, and-and trying to deal
with Barb, but no, she… Julie is the producer.
Nothing there. And-and Kelley,
who we had there last night, this little red herring, little Easter egg we threw out
there for Bachelor Nation. -Just messing with everybody.
-SPADE: Oh, I like that, yeah. Ah, it sounds like
something happened with Julie. (laughter,
applause and cheering) -SPADE: You know what’s…
-Like, Chris, let’s be honest, what are you gonna say? “Oh,
well, behind the set, they…” -Ah, no. Come on. -SPADE: Well,
they… You know it’s bad when you’re in the audience, and
they go, “Hey, let’s take you to hair and makeup.”
They’re like, -“Oh, no. I’m on the show now?”
-Yeah. -“Yeah, we got
to crimp your hair.” -Exactly. -Uh, well…
-So he was… he was intimate… -he admitted to being
intimate… -With Julie. -He admitted to being intimate?
-SPADE: No, he… Do we know… do we know
who he was intimate with? -Julie!
-(laughter) I think he said Hannah Ann
on the show, right? Everyone, but not Madison. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Madison’s…
-ROCK: I thought Sydney. I thought him and Sydney
hooked up. No, they didn’t get… they
didn’t get in the fantasy suite. Yeah, but… but no, so what? -Oh, yeah. -SPADE:
Yeah. There was downtime. -They-they could have had sex
in Cleveland. -(laughter) Yeah, what is it with this year sending people
to horrible places and acting like they’re nice? Right? “You’re
in beautiful Cleveland!” The girls
are all dancing around. Then you took them
to fuckin’ Alice Springs, -the biggest shithole
in Australia. -(laughter) -(applause)
-You… you… -(whooping)
-you… you couldn’t even get a nice
outside shot of the hotel. It didn’t exist. They used
to show this rusty veranda, like, “Oh, look,
they’re in Alice Springs.” -They’re swatting away flies.
-Yeah, yeah! The whole time, they’re like… To your point, there… there are some beautiful parts
to the Outback. I-I love… loved Australia. But it was really funny,
when we were shooting that-that date, and right
as Madison was leaving, and if you notice, the tallest
tree is, like, three feet tall. -Right. -And it has no leaves.
There is no shade anywhere. And it’s 140.
And so we just had them, like, -tucked by this twig, and there
was no shade… -I saw that, because that shanty, I’m like, “This is
their big Four Seasons?” Looks like a garage. And he
doesn’t even talk to her inside. He’s like, “Let me
take you out where it’s 110.” -(laughter)
-All right, well, that’s enough. We don’t have more time.
Chris is a stud. -Thanks for coming by, dude.