Articles, Blog

My Plans Now I’ve Graduated University 👩🏻‍🎓Life Update

December 3, 2019

Hello everybody, welcome back! Today I
thought I would just sit down with a cup of tea and chat to you about where my
life is going at the moment because I mean, I just finished University, as most
of you know. Honestly I don’t really have much of a direction at the moment, I’m
feeling very lost. But a lot of people keep asking me, like, you have a maths
degree, like, what you’re gonna do with it? There’s so many things you can do, what
are your plans? And I’m just like… Oh, hello Penny! I just don’t know. It’s been
a few months now but I still don’t have a clue what I’m going to do with my
degree. For those of you who don’t know, I finished my degree in, like, June time,
graduated in July. So I now have a maths degree, which is an achievement and it’s
something that’s going to open a lot of doors for me in terms of employment
opportunities. But I really don’t know what I want to do career-wise, still. There are
so many options for what to do with a maths degree. The obvious things are teaching, accounting, banking, finance stuff, insurance stuff, actuarial stuff. It’s not that I’m not gonna go down any of those routes necessarily, it’s just that, at the moment, I don’t really know which one of those will actually suit me, because I don’t know what the day-to-day job would involve. And I need to do the research for that, BUT I am not at all ready to get myself a proper
nine-to-five adult graduate job. I’m just not kind of in that headspace yet and I
am in a very lucky position that I don’t have to go out and look for a specific
type of job. I moved back home after I graduated and I’m really lucky that I
had somewhere to go and I didn’t just have to go straight out of uni, get my
own place, and get a job. I have this very privileged position of being able to have some time to think about what I
want to do. But I am hyper conscious almost of not becoming complete layabout
and scrounging off my parents, so I am doing everything that I can to help
around the house, both with business and with just general household things.
So that’s where I am in terms of living situation. In terms of what I’m doing with my time…
I didn’t look for any graduate jobs during my third year. I started the process of looking into what I wanted to do but I just got too overwhelmed and it was just affecting my brain too much so I decided
that I was just gonna focus on getting the degree and the rest would follow
eventually. I was trying very hard not to put too much pressure on myself, and then
that kind of extended and extended, and now we’re in November. I decided I was gonna
give myself the summer off just to have a summer. So going traveling, going to
festivals, just enjoying myself, relaxing, making the most of the free time that I
had. Then come September I was hoping I would be kind of mentally ready to think
about job searching. But I just wasn’t and the thought of it fills me with
dread, not only just because the whole process of looking for a job and going
to interviews and all of that just fills me with anxiety, but I just know that I’m
not ready and I don’t want to waste my time looking for a job that I am going
to loathe. I’m just not in the head space to have a proper corporate job. I just
want some time and some space to just chill out a bit. Essentially I’ve been
jumping through hoops and doing what was expected of me again and again since
school. So I did all my GCSEs, tried really hard because that was what was
expected of me and I was expected to get good grades, got my grades, went to a
really good college, because that was what was expected of me, and did four
very difficult a levels, because that was what was expected of me, and then the
next step was just to go to university. So that’s what I did, because that was
what was expected of me and I didn’t have a clear plan of anything else I
wanted to do. So I thought, you know, don’t know what else I’m going to do, so
decided to do a maths degree and three years later, here I am, still
completely lost, not knowing what to do. I’ve come all this way, met everybody’s
expectations, and now I have a maths degree. The next step to be “successful”
would be to get a job in the city doing some kind of finance thing, getting the
first train in to London, one of the last trains back, wearing a suit, going to
meetings, being miserable and having my job just consume my whole life and all
of my time. My uni work consumed my life, my schoolwork consumed my whole life, so my job will do exactly the same thing. I’ve come to the conclusion that if I
don’t stop jumping through all of these hoops now, then I probably never will, and
I’m just going to lead this very mundane life which I didn’t really choose for
myself and just kind of got swept along into. Again, that’s not to say that I’m
never going to get myself a “proper” graduate job that uses my degree, because
I’m sure at some point I will. It’s just that I feel such a huge amount of
pressure on me to go straight into work. And that pressure isn’t even from
anybody in particular. Nobody is telling me, like, get off your ass and get a job.
It’s just kind of like a societal pressure and in some ways a pressure
from myself because I feel like, if I don’t go out straight away and find
something and find a job, then potentially employers in the future
are just going to be, like, disinterested in me because I wasn’t as eager as other
candidates. But I’m trying very hard to battle those thoughts and just kind of
tell myself that I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, I have a first class
math degree, I’m highly competent, I’m a very good employee, I’m dedicated, I’m
motivated, so there is no reason that somebody wouldn’t give me a job.
It’s just this expectation which essentially comes from nowhere and nobody. As a
society, work is valued and I understand that, that’s how society works. We do live
in a capitalist society and the way that works is that work is valued and if you
don’t work you’re not contributing to anything and you’re basically worthless.
When I want to, sure, I will get some high-paying office job because, you know,
I do like money because money buys you things that you want. But in the meantime
I’m very happy to just ignore those pressures that work is everything and
just ~be~. It’s kind of like a large mindfulness exercise, that’s how I’m
treating it. One of the things that I’ve learned about myself over the last
couple of years is that if I don’t do anything productive I feel completely
worthless. I feel so guilty. If I didn’t do any uni work in a day or I’d had a
day off and I hadn’t used any of my time to do anything productive like even just
cleaning or editing a video or something like that, the guilt just completely
consumes me. So me having this time off is really challenging that head-on
because it’s great to be productive, you get further along in life if you do
things, that’s obvious. But this opportunity to kind of break those
thought processes down I think is going to be really useful to me. I want to have
a really strong focus on self improvement over the next however-many
months that I am not in a “proper” job. For once in my life I have time, and you know
how anxious I get about not having time. I’m just trying to enjoy the moment,
enjoy just living my life as it is right now, spending time with my mum, spending
time with my cat. And my aim is that by the end of this period, however long that
may be, I will be a better person and I’ll
be a lot happier within myself. Then I’m on a much stronger foundation to go into
the world of work. And I’ll hopefully be able to be happy within that job, because
I chose to be there and I’m there on my own terms, and on a timeline that works for
me and my life. I realised that I haven’t actually explained what I’ve been up to.
As I said, being around the house not doing anything makes me feel super super
bad. As soon as I realised this I decided I have to pick myself up and do
more things. It doesn’t have to be ‘graduate maths job’ things. It can just be
working in my waitressing job in a cafe. So that is my first job. I’m doing
multiple different things but my first, main source of income at the moment is my
waitressing job, which I’ve had since I think I was 17 so when when I was at
college. I work in a cafe at a sort of like castle and gardens place. Everybody
who I work with is super lovely, they’re all kind of, you know, young people, kind
of figuring out what they want to do with their life. It’s a good environment
to be in because I’m not alone. And for the moment at least, I am completely
content just going there a few times a week, making people coffee, serving them
food. It’s fulfilling enough for me right now and it may not be considered like a
“proper” job by a lot of people, but it pays, it’s keeping me doing something,
and I’m more than happy doing it. Next up, I am obviously still making youtube videos.
I do earn a little bit of money off youtube, I think I’ve had four adsense
payments now. It’s been about a year and I’ve had about four adsense payments, so
it is not very much money, especially for the amount of time that I put in, but, you
know, that’s not why I make videos. I make them because I enjoy it. It is a small
part of my income and it’s kind of just like having a little bit of pocket money,
because every couple of months I get a payment from Google. I was hoping that
during this time off I would have some more time to focus on YouTube but so far
that has not been the case at all. I obviously don’t have any intentions to
stop doing it. It’s just something that I do when I can, when I want to. Hopefully
within the next month or two things will pick up, but I can’t make any promises
because life is pretty hectic right now. I made more videos while I was a
full-time student than I have been making now, doing a couple of shifts a
week as a waitress. So for those of you who don’t know, my mum owns a pet sitting
business. We have Doggy Daycare, so dogs come to our house and we look after them.
And she also does cat feeding, so visiting people’s houses and feeding
cats while they are away. It’s something that I’ve always helped out
with because my mum is a very busy lady and sometimes she just needs someone
to look after the dogs for ten minutes while she pops out or anything
like that. Now that I am here full time, I’ve been getting a bit more involved in
more of the business side of it. So I’ve been doing a lot of admin things. It’s
also been tax season so I did the accounts for the business for whatever
it was.. Was it 17/18? Yes 17/18, it would have been. And we filed the tax return.
Alongside all the admin stuff I’ve also taken on some of my mum’s clients,
because as I’ve said she’s a very busy lady. She has to turn people away because
she just physically doesn’t have enough time. So she’s referred some of them to
me and I’m more than happy to be paid to look after cats. I now have a regular gig
looking after a kitten and it’s mum, and they are the most adorable things. It’s
been really lovely to spend significant chunks of time, especially with the
kitten, because I’ve basically been watching her grow. I think she’s now
about 14 weeks and she’s just started purring and it is the cutest thing in
the world. We just have a lot of cuddles, a bit of a play, I feed them, change
their litter. It’s nothing fancy but, again, I find it very fulfilling, I enjoy
it and it pays. I’m not working in a very highly paid graduate job in London but
the world is still going on. I can afford to eat and I have somewhere
to live and I get to cuddle cats at the same time. Honestly the most, like, sort of, I guess, yeah, grounding and clarifying time. Just sitting, playing with cats, letting the world just do its thing. I’ve lost count of where I’ve got to
in my list of various jobs. I’ve been doing other kind
of ad-hoc pet-sitting jobs, I’ve been doing, like, freelance copy typing. And
then the final kind of branch of my income at the moment is Etsy and eBay. So
I sell handmade jewellery on Etsy. Again it’s just something that I do kind of as
a hobby and then if someone wants to buy my stuff that’s great. And then on eBay
I’ve been selling loads of my old possessions. I’ll put in a cutaway but
over there I’ve got a huge stack of boxes which is just full of clothes that
I’ve decluttered but want to sell because they’re worth money. I
realise that it’s not really a sustainable source of income, because
eventually I will run out of things to sell. But it’s been like two months and
I’ve hardly made a dent, so for the foreseeable future at least it’s
something. It’s a little bit of money to add to my pot, it’s just like a bit of
pocket money, and at the same time I’m slowly getting rid of the junk corner of
my room which is just rammed high with stuff to sell. And then we come on to the
future. What are my plans? Am I just gonna keep going like this for a while?
Probably! I eventually want to go traveling but I’m very indecisive,
I don’t know where I want to go, I don’t know how long I want to go for, I don’t
know whether I want to just have like a month and enjoy it, or whether I want to
go for a year and work my way around somewhere. It’s all very up in the air. This feels like it’s been a very long video
just to explain that I don’t have a graduate job, I am NOT looking for one, and I don’t know what I want to do with
my degree. But there you go. So that is what I’ve been up to at the moment. It’s
nothing special but I’m just trying to focus on not feeling guilty for it and
just enjoying my time having a bit more free time and a bit more freedom to do
what I wanna do. I know that I’m very lucky to have been able to come out of
university and have very little pressure on me to find a particular job and find
somewhere to live and get on with my life so to speak, but I’m very grateful
that I’ve got this time because I think it is going to really help me… a lot. Going straight into the world of work right now would do terrible things to my brain, so
I’m very grateful for that and I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact
that I’m not being lazy, I’m not completely worthless for not wanting to
go straight into work. I would tell that to someone else. If someone had graduated
and then wasn’t actively looking for a graduate job, I would, you know,
straightaway be like “well obviously you don’t have to do that, just as long as
you can afford to live and you’re happy, that’s all that really matters”. But it’s
really hard accepting that for myself, especially because I’m just so used to
constantly doing stuff, otherwise I kind of bring myself down for it. So I am
slowly, kind of, getting to grips with the fact that I don’t have to do anything
specific, I can spend my time forever just waitressing if that’s what I want
to do. I have a degree, it’s my choice now whether I want to use it or not and I’m
sure at some point I will use it. But I am just happy existing and living right now.
While I’m just sitting here kind of talking about life and having a chat, I
am getting really close now to 10,000 subscribers. I reached
9,000 about a week ago, I think 10,000 is probably gonna come
before Christmas? That’ll be really exciting if it did. I don’t know, if it
comes it comes, if it doesn’t it will happen at some point in the future, I’m
sure. 10,000 is a huge milestone. 1000 subscribers was like the ultimate goal
when I first started YouTube and 10,000 to me seems like a huge achievement, well
it is a huge achievement. I don’t know, I think it’s just a nice goal to have
reached. I mean, I didn’t even set it for myself as a goal because I guess I never
really expected to get to 10,000 subscribers. That’s crazy, really. I’m just
basically saying thank you in advance because, yeah, I’m very grateful. Anyway, I
think that is enough rambling from me. The light is starting to change. That just
shows how short the days are in winter because, in the course of me filming this
video, we’ve gone from midday to sunset. That’s ridiculous! Anyway, thank
you for listening to my rambles and I will see very soon!

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  • Reply Stelios Toulis November 16, 2018 at 4:42 pm

    First View.

  • Reply Susan R November 16, 2018 at 5:19 pm

    Take your time and the right path will come along.

  • Reply Hannah Evans November 16, 2018 at 5:37 pm

    I had a really crappy day with uni today, but binging on your videos has really helped to cheer me up. Thanks Beth!

  • Reply Lowie Trevena November 16, 2018 at 5:57 pm

    what's your etsy ?? :)!!

  • Reply Jasmine Tea November 16, 2018 at 6:13 pm

    I think the best experiences and the best opportunities are those that you don’t necessarily seek out to find, I’m excited for you during this time, just continue to enjoy life! Also congrats on 9,000!! X

  • Reply Healing Touch with Julia November 16, 2018 at 6:23 pm

    This was so reassuring! I graduated this year too, and for a few reasons I want to wait two years and then start grad school. I'm getting a lot of pressure to start sooner but this is the timeline I desire. I'm not in the head space to go back to school yet.

  • Reply Zetch November 16, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    What grade did you graduate with eventually can I ask?
    Proud of your growth! Watching you since GCSE!

  • Reply TheKingBeth November 16, 2018 at 6:40 pm

    I realised I forgot to include the cutaway of my Junk Corner! I'll post a pic on twitter later if anyone cares 🌸 Thanks everyone for all the reassuring, supportive comments. Big love 💕💕💕

  • Reply Clan[AOA] "Army Of Allah" November 16, 2018 at 7:20 pm

    How long were you in university for??? I assume you all finish faster in the U.K than in the united states.. im stuck finishing next year summer because the system here is all about money and refuses to secure classes for seniors.. i wont ever attended school again in the United states ever again..

  • Reply Becca RS November 16, 2018 at 10:40 pm

    I'm so happy you're forging your own path and doing what makes YOU happy- your life is your own and you're the one living it, no one else 🙂

  • Reply Bobblehattedharpist November 17, 2018 at 7:52 am

    As soon as I knew(before) you had a 'Maths Degree' my first reaction was "Wow I couldn't do that, that is amazing!!"

  • Reply Anna Joan November 17, 2018 at 12:08 pm

    This is so reassuring, one of my biggest fears in life is being stuck in a 9-5 office job I hate. Once I graduate my plans so far are to take a year off and just work part time and maybe travel hopefully if that works out! Xx

  • Reply Erin Parker November 17, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    love u!! As someone who’s addicted to working n who feels v v guilty whenever I have a day off this was v relaxing & therapeutic for me n was a good reminder 2 slow down n take time for myself! I have no idea what to do after mine or whether to travel etc so pls keep us updated!! so happy to see ur doing well, miss u 💗💗💗

  • Reply Evert Björklund November 18, 2018 at 10:04 am

    What mental sickness do you have and What medicin, you loock gret now.

  • Reply JustBiankaL November 26, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    First off massive congratulations on your degree!!! Smart cookie 🙂

    Don't put too much pressure on yourself you are only young and don't need to have your whole life planned out now.

    Sounds to me that you have earned a little breathing space. Once you start the rat race its hard to stop. That why I love making Youtube videos 🙂

  • Reply Kobe Leonard December 4, 2018 at 9:31 pm

    Read the defining Decade by Meg Jay. Like for real

  • Reply wasim anas December 5, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    Can u post a vid on the scholarships available while ur in uni??

  • Reply Tuhin Tulsyan December 8, 2018 at 1:20 am

    Hi have you done BA or BS in maths? Also from which university?

  • Reply Deanna Jones December 13, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    I'd love to hear more about being in Mathematics. I study Mathematics in Mississippi. Do you have any advice or tips?

  • Reply Lorenzo Panetta December 26, 2018 at 9:51 am

    Wow I like you being so real, with what you want(or don't want) !

  • Reply Mim Hassan December 29, 2018 at 2:13 pm

    I am so happy for you.💜

  • Reply Rohit Guptha January 4, 2019 at 10:39 pm

    how did you manage to get a first at southampton? im there right now seems really hard

  • Reply Aditi Rao February 1, 2019 at 4:40 pm

    I don't know if this is helpful for you now, but I'm studying Maths (with Actuarial Science) in the United States. I think if you wanted to know what a day in the job entails, we're asked to talk to people working in the position of an Actuary. I've spoken to a lot of actuaries and I like the work done by some of them! The job might be all consuming, but I really love that stuff, and if that's you, you might want to try this too!
    The exams are kind of a pain though, so again, it depends on if you like it enough.

  • Reply Rosie Annie February 2, 2019 at 11:29 pm

    Me… Freaked out because I might need an operation… Binge watching Beth… Finds long video… Settled in

  • Reply Zg Zg February 17, 2019 at 9:19 pm

    Great vid👌Life after uni ones are the best !!🎉

  • Reply Starshema Rash March 29, 2019 at 12:47 am

    Wishing you the best!

  • Reply philosophia May 6, 2019 at 6:12 am

    Wow, I've never related to anything more than 'one big mindfulness exercise'! That was certainly me for the past few years and I tell ya, that time to sit alone with myself and figure out what I truly wanted was one of the most beneficial things! <3

  • Reply Simran Chuhan June 13, 2019 at 5:54 pm

    I honestly could not relate to this video more! I'm in exactly the same position and am feeling the same as you – I'm a Philosophy graduate and was planning on going into teaching but don't want to anymore as i'm just not in the right headspace to do it. I know i'm late but thanks so much for making this video, I don't feel alone anymore 🙂

  • Reply hikae June 20, 2019 at 2:55 am

    i think the thought of having a 9 to 5 from the age of 21 to when i die really scares me. like that's it? but then again that's a very privileged point of view since I also have the comfort of being able to choose not having a job right away. My headspace is so messy and it's only been a week after graduating.

  • Reply Be Be Blue September 22, 2019 at 5:21 pm

    Any updates ?

  • Reply Kaltuun Abdi October 9, 2019 at 1:49 pm

    It’s crazy.. I did a maths degree as well and graduated in 2017. Since then I’ve been doing random things ( not so much related to my degree). My parents expected so much from me and they still do especially the fact that I only started the English language at 16 and had to go through so many trials to get to where I am. Right now I am happy that I can finally have time to myself, learn a new language and meet people through events and stuff like that. People around me who graduated at the same time have been getting jobs and doing something with their degree and because of that my parents started to pressure me about it for the past few months now. I’ve been called all sort of things like ‘worthless’ ‘lazy’ ‘how long are you staying like this for?’ ‘we’ve done so much for you’ and I am going crazy hearing these things from the people I love the most. What’s important for me right now is that I feel happy and content with my life and whatever life plans for me, I will be ready for.

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