Articles, Blog

Kinder Guardians | Who Is America? | Sacha Baron Cohen SHOWTIME Series

October 12, 2019


[speaking Hebrew] My name– Colonel Erran Morad. I am the terrorist terminator. [gunshot] In America, there is big problem
of shootings in schools. The NRA want to arm
the teachers. This is crazy. They should be arming
the children. Yalla!
Let’s go! ♪ hard rock music ♪ ♪♪♪ To get deadly weapons
into the hands of America’s schoolchildren, I needed the help of gun-rights
hero Philip Van Cleave. My next guest
is a gun-rights advocate who says the Bushmaster
semi-automatic rifle, the type of rifle
that Adam Lanza used to kill 20 children
and six more adults, is “a blast to shoot with. Guns are fun. Some of them are much
more cool than others.” Are you proud
of what you said? It’s just a fact. In America, there have been
a lot of shootings in the school and in the university. What do the liberals say
is the reason for this and the solution? Well, they blame it on guns.
[scoffs] Yeah, it’s crazy,
because people– They blame it on the guns?
Yes. [speaking Hebrew]
Meshugge.
Yes, it is. We start
a program in Israel for kinder-guardians.
Okay. We train them from the age
16 down to the age three. Yeah, well, I-I think
it would be a-a good idea. We– We’ve been
pushing something along this line for years, but really haven’t gotten
any traction with it. We were thinking seventh
or eighth grade. You’re talking
much younger than that. My son was
in the very first program. May he rest in peace. Uh, he died
doing what I love. Yeah, they haven’t
quite developed, uh, what we call “conscience,”
where you– you feel guilty about
doing something wrong. That’s developing.
You’re learning right and wrong. If they haven’t
developed that yet, they could be
very effective soldiers. This year,
in our state government, they had a bill put in that
would have made it illegal for someone four years old
to 12 years old to have access to a gun. Oh, we killed–
We killed the bill.
What? They tried to stop
four-year-old children from having access
to guns? Yes. Yes. What is the logic
that these people come up with? They just think that children,
uh, can’t handle them. We want three-year-olds
who are real experts at what they’re doing,
not three-year-olds who are reckless.
Yeah. And we don’t teach
two-year-olds, because they call it the
“terrible twos” for a reason. Yes, there’s a reason.
Yes. So, I would like you to help me
do instructional video for three-year-olds. Okay. ♪ whimsical music ♪ ♪♪♪ [school bell rings] Shalom, children. My name Erran Morad. I here to show you that guns,
when used responsibly, with training from grown-ups, can help keep you safe
in your school. Here to help teach you
is Philip Van Cleave. Not every strange man
you meet gonna be friendly and non-threatening like me. Today,
we’re going to teach you how you can stop
these naughty men and have them
take a long nap. That’s right, and that’s
why you’re going to meet a friend of mine. His name is Puppy Pistol.
[dog barks] Now, Philip, will you show us
how to feed Puppy Pistol? To feed him,
take his lunchbox and push it into his tummy,
like this. Just remember to point
Puppy Pistol’s mouth right at the middle
of the bad man. If he has a big, fat tummy,
point at that. [laughs] Great! It’s fun.
Okay. Puppy Pistol is part
of a whole group of new friends that your parents can get you
called Gunimals. Wouldn’t you love to meet
this little Gunny Rabbit? He’s ready to put the naughty
man on a very long time-out. How about the magical Uzicorn? Well, this is one for the girls. It’s a lovely little unicorn
that you can play with. Dino-Gun can stop
an entire crowd of bad men. And, tots,
you’ve got to learn that Dino-Gun eats and spits
his candy really, really fast. Rocket Ship RPG
will take you to the moon. Or, rather, the bad guys
are going to the moon, if they attack your school
with a truckful of big, scary fireworks. And introducing BFF, a starter gun for infants
24 months and under. BFF is so easy to fire,
even a baby can use it. BFF wants to help you pull
the string on a bad guy. Make bang-bang. ♪ whimsical music ♪ [to the tune of “Head,
Shoulders, Knees, and Toes”]
♪ Aim at the head, shoulders ♪ ♪ Not the toes ♪ ♪ Not the toes ♪
Fire! ♪ Head, shoulders,
not the toes ♪ ♪ Not the toes ♪
Fire! ♪ Eyes, ears,
and belly and nose ♪ ♪ Head, shoulders,
not the toes ♪ ♪ Not the toes ♪
Fire! [Erran] Now that I had
a common-sense training video, it was time to take it
to the nation’s capital. I just arrived
in Washington to see if someone will back
my kinder-guardians program. I needed to find politicians
who would fight for the Second Amendment right
of toddlers to bear firearms at preschool. So I met
with lobbyist Larry Pratt, director
of Gun Owners of America, which have
1.5 million brave members. The evil’s in our hearts,
not in the guns. Do you think the liberals
are using these school shootings to further
their anti-tragedy agenda? They’re trying,
but it’s– it’s not that hard
to find a student who does think that way, because that’s what they’re
being taught in the schools. We actually found out
that, in schools, it not only important
to arm the teachers– important to arm
certain gifted children. Oh, that’s great. We train from 16-year-old,
uh, up to four years old. This segment
of the conversation would
absolutely cause heads to explode
here in this country. Not all.
Why? Because they will
be shot or… Because that they’re–
they’re so prejudiced against young people
having guns, and especially
in a school. The only thing that stop
a bad man with a gun is a good boy with a gun. Yeah.
Uh, even a good toddler. Exactly.
A toddler. Really. The great thing
about toddlers is, they don’t have
any fear of guns. This fear is really given
to you by the media. That’s a good point. Well, if they hear somebody
shouting, “Allahu Akbar,” they’re likely to
instinctively go for that gun. We had one problem
with this. There was a Muslim gardener
who was praying, and he said, “Allahu Akbar,”
and he got– He got shot. [laughing] Pray in– Pray in secret. Women need a gun, you know. My wife, she have a gun. And she shot me once. You know, what can I do? I get horny in the middle
of the night, but it’s not, uh, rape
if it’s your wife, eh? [both laugh] Right? Right? That probably won’t be
on the video we send to the Hill. Oh, no, no, no.
[laughs] What do I need in order
to introduce this program into America? There are
a few members of Congress that, I think,
would be as receptive to what you’re doing
as I have been. I’d be very happy to see
if we could get them interested, to set some time aside.
Great. Let’s see if we can stop
these anti-gun people from getting
everyone killed.
Yeah. Yeah, they’ve got blood
on their hands. Now that I had
this Pratt on board, I was welcomed into
the halls of Congress, where I sat down with
a House representative and outlined
my common-sense proposal. Oh, the– the– You want me
to say on television that I support
three- and four-year-olds with firearms? Is that what you’re
asking me to do? Uh, yes.
Hmm. You can…
Typically, members of Congress
don’t just hear a story about a program
and then indicate whether they support it
or not. I support
the kinder-guardians program. We, in America, would be wise
to implement it, too. It’s something that we should
think about, America, about putting guns in the hands
of law-abiding citizens, good guys,
whether they be teachers or whether they actually be
talented children or highly trained preschoolers. Maybe having many young people
trained and understand how to defend themselves
in their school might actually
make us safer here. A three-year-old cannot defend
itself from an assault rifle by throwing
a Hello Kitty pencil case at it. Our Founding Fathers
did not put an age limit on the Second Amendment. The intensive three-week
kinder-guardian course introduces
specially selected children from 12 to four years old
to pistols, rifles, semi-automatics, and a rudimentary
knowledge of mortars. In less than a month,
less than a month, a first grader can become
a first grenader. Toddlers are pure, uncorrupted
by fake news or homosexuality. They don’t worry if it’s
politically correct to shoot a mentally deranged gunman. They’ll just do it. The science behind
this program is proven. At age four,
a child processes images 80% faster than an adult, meaning that, essentially,
like owls, they can see in slow-motion. Children under five
also have elevated levels of the pheromone Blink-182, produced by the part of the
liver known as the Rita Ora. This allows nerve reflexes to travel along
the Cardi B neural pathway, to the Wiz Khalifa 40% faster, saving time and saving lives. When it comes to the safety
of our children… The way
to stop bad guy with a gun… Is a good kid with a gun. A g-good kid with a gun. A good child with a gun. Happy shooting, kids.

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100 Comments

  • Reply Metalosopher August 26, 2019 at 11:37 pm

    @ 7:00 OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Palpatine is real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Reply Ssj Seeps August 27, 2019 at 9:19 am

    Matt Gaetz is no fool! Joe walsh near the end is that idiot who thinks he's gonna steal the gop nomination from Trump.

  • Reply John Edisto August 27, 2019 at 2:37 pm

    The only real Republican looked at him like he was insane.

    You poor bastards will believe anything your lefty masters feed you.

  • Reply United States August 27, 2019 at 8:46 pm

    All republitards…ALL OF THEM. 😂😂😂

  • Reply Defintely Human August 27, 2019 at 9:03 pm

    Joe Walsh 2020 lmao

  • Reply Ronin Editor August 27, 2019 at 9:51 pm

    Seeing this, you realize how amazing he would have been as Freddie Mercury.

  • Reply Dallas Pony August 28, 2019 at 12:28 am

    This is PRICELESS! Good luck Joe, Trump is gonna fry u!!

  • Reply Ronin Editor August 28, 2019 at 12:45 am

    3:53 – This is laugh-out-loud hilarious… and scary.

  • Reply SubtleSledgeHammer August 28, 2019 at 1:07 pm

    OMG- If it weren't real, I'd call it as being way over the top to be effectively pulled off (in the context of an SNL skit let's say). Some people are so, simply put, "simple". Unfortunately, they can also be simply dangerous.

  • Reply Denver City August 28, 2019 at 2:27 pm

    Oh man, its always unbelievable how these NRA morons publicly show what retards they are. They are the only ones that should be shot in the head as they obviously have lost their mind long time ago

  • Reply SubtleSledgeHammer August 28, 2019 at 4:22 pm

    "BLINK 182!" Llllll Ohhhhhhhhhh Lllll !!! (And LOL to the rest of it this automaton moron fumbles through- It is UNBLEIVABLE – (OH… Well, I guess it is only unbelievably FUNNY. Holy Sheet, what a time in which we live.)

  • Reply maj klod August 28, 2019 at 11:42 pm

    conservative republicans are the scums of the earth , i can't imagine how it likes to be one

  • Reply Marven Corrielus August 29, 2019 at 1:25 am

    He died doing what I love

  • Reply Keir August 30, 2019 at 3:36 pm

    9:08 Epstein is that you 🤨🤨

  • Reply I'am a legend August 30, 2019 at 6:53 pm

    This is the view of Republicans lol They are so stupid.

  • Reply John Hounslow-Robinson August 30, 2019 at 10:03 pm

    What your saying is children
    Have not been programmed by guilt.

  • Reply B.K. August 31, 2019 at 3:30 am

    The way he walks is so funny.

  • Reply Michael Lederman September 1, 2019 at 12:26 am

    It is crap like this why I don't have a showtime subscription, they make idiotic shows starring obscure people and think we'll pay for the privilege. HBO, Netflix, Hulu or even basic cable without showtime is the right way to go.

  • Reply Neurochrom September 1, 2019 at 3:10 pm

    This looks suspiciously edited

  • Reply Viper_a13 September 2, 2019 at 4:38 am

    3:19 killed me💀💀

  • Reply TNO73 September 2, 2019 at 10:55 pm

    Not sure if this is scary or funny

  • Reply Ahmed Elian September 3, 2019 at 4:00 am

    Anyone notice how Sacha is sitting down in the first interview? .. So much manlihood hahaha

  • Reply Ahmed Elian September 3, 2019 at 4:08 am

    "Pull the string at the bad guy".. Sacha showing him drawings of black people faces.. I'm done

  • Reply Ahmed Elian September 3, 2019 at 4:21 am

    Sacha: "We actually found out that in school it's not only important to arm the teachers, it's important to arm certain gifted children."
    The guy, whispering: "Ah that's great"

    I think he just came in his pants.

  • Reply McDudes September 4, 2019 at 5:31 pm

    1:19 that beautiful "manspread" xD

  • Reply Pu5sy Devourer September 4, 2019 at 10:04 pm

    LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

  • Reply Pu5sy Devourer September 4, 2019 at 10:09 pm

    happy shooting kids

  • Reply steventman September 5, 2019 at 2:13 am

    is this real?

  • Reply MrJoromekiq1 September 5, 2019 at 6:35 am

    "BFF is so easy to fire, even a baby can use it" …- LOL I am dying…. "good toddler with a gun"

  • Reply UraStr September 5, 2019 at 1:55 pm

    sad to see that Matt Gaetz has IQ above average, when it comes to republican party…that actually makes what he does worse…because he's one of the most crazy right wing politicians in USA

  • Reply Tufcus Classic WoW September 5, 2019 at 3:08 pm

    24k dislikes LMAO hilarious well played Sasha

  • Reply AEM Moursy September 5, 2019 at 8:26 pm

    Just thinking that these people are decisions and law makers in the most powerful country in the world scare the hell out of me

  • Reply Hever Morales September 6, 2019 at 8:05 pm

    How come this does have so many dislikes they must be all of NRA members, Lol!

  • Reply MrKaminmann1158 September 7, 2019 at 12:16 am

    His balls have to be huge, sittin' like that

  • Reply A B September 10, 2019 at 11:13 am

    Feminist burns, when the the manspreading.

  • Reply Ben Dauphin September 10, 2019 at 12:18 pm

    Processes images 80% faster so they can see in slow motion.. I'm fuckin dead😂😂

  • Reply eskinder tadese September 10, 2019 at 2:15 pm

    Pappy pistol i diedddddddddddddd

  • Reply spruceguitar September 10, 2019 at 5:36 pm

    WAS THIS GUY JUST PLAYING ALONG, OR WAS HE REALLY PRANKED SO BADLY BY COHEN??😂

  • Reply The NooB Lyfe September 10, 2019 at 5:43 pm

    "We don't train 2 year olds, you know they call it terrible 2s for a reason." Sacha you're a genius ffs

  • Reply Stu Pops W September 11, 2019 at 1:48 am

    A genius comedian !!

  • Reply Bob 1 September 11, 2019 at 10:44 am

    America is the laughing stock of the entire world and they are so far up their own arse they don't even realise it. They think they rule the world yet they've lost every war they've fought in the last few decades at least, it's hilarious.
    These guys are your leaders and so is that borderline retard Donald Trump haha. Idiocracy was a documentary not a movie.

  • Reply The Pixel Mudkip September 11, 2019 at 5:39 pm

    Liberals and their "anti-tragedy agenda" I AM DEAD.

  • Reply HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaNo September 12, 2019 at 1:20 am

    "He died doing something I love"

  • Reply Uncommonsensetoo September 14, 2019 at 9:56 am

    Thank you Sacha for exposing how completely deranged these gun advocates really are. It is so frightening I have no words.

  • Reply Agro Oo7 September 14, 2019 at 10:38 am

    without guns lawyers, judges etc would be out of a job or paid a lot less.

  • Reply Milo J September 15, 2019 at 4:26 am

    This is so funny and so sad at the same time.

  • Reply Vasiliy Issaenko September 15, 2019 at 8:17 pm

    Сукаааааа, как же красиво🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣

  • Reply Lou Vee September 16, 2019 at 1:56 am

    Fire!
    Fire!
    Fire!
    Fire!

  • Reply shawarmapapa September 17, 2019 at 12:37 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA this is amazing

  • Reply Corvo .Attano September 17, 2019 at 9:05 pm

    6:18 had me in tears!

  • Reply Jesse Stirling September 18, 2019 at 4:47 am

    "anti-tragedy agenda" lol

  • Reply Michael MD September 18, 2019 at 7:38 am

    Oh My God!!!

  • Reply X Y September 18, 2019 at 12:56 pm

    How did he believe Sasha?

  • Reply I I C September 18, 2019 at 3:02 pm

    This guy is a genius. The whole world knows him and yet he manages to pull this off.

  • Reply Stephler September 19, 2019 at 2:27 am

    😱😱😱🥴🥴🥴🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

  • Reply Stephler September 19, 2019 at 2:38 am

    Blink 182 😱🤣😱🤣🥴🥴🥴

  • Reply NecumNaTo September 19, 2019 at 2:01 pm

    Sasha flexing that manspreading

  • Reply Divided By Opinion September 19, 2019 at 8:16 pm

    Oh America… how you have been so exposed by one man…

  • Reply Bruno Silva September 20, 2019 at 12:18 am

    "My son was in the very first programme, may in rest in peace… He died doing what I love!"

  • Reply Harjeet Singh Bhati September 20, 2019 at 5:11 am

    10:03 CARDI B , WIZ KHALIFA😂😂😂😂😂

  • Reply Rushpa Dhavale September 20, 2019 at 6:06 am

    🤣

  • Reply Patrik Marek September 20, 2019 at 10:40 pm

    some people in america are fubar

  • Reply -Jeff - September 21, 2019 at 9:44 am

    from the cardi b to the wiz khalifa XD

  • Reply Schabraka Boy September 22, 2019 at 10:54 pm

    The Blink 182 part made me laugh soo hard xD

  • Reply Dave Cena September 22, 2019 at 11:53 pm

    this is on some level downright scary

  • Reply RewinD % September 23, 2019 at 1:19 am

    His walk reminds me of Vini Jones but with a russian walk 😂

  • Reply Parag Gupta September 23, 2019 at 5:16 am

    Elevated levels of pheromone Blink 182, Rita Ora Cardi B, Wiz Khalifa!!! 😅😅😅😅😅
    That's called prank

  • Reply fungihank September 23, 2019 at 10:04 am

    USA is a failed state

  • Reply Sophia Olivier September 23, 2019 at 2:58 pm

    the part where he laughs about raping your wife…. yikes

  • Reply Jack White September 23, 2019 at 7:27 pm

    4:48 The bad guy pictures

  • Reply Marca's Vendetta September 24, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    It's funny till your realise there's tons of people with the same mindset. Idk if i should cry or laugh.

  • Reply namit khan September 25, 2019 at 9:11 am

    these are the types of people who cry terrorism at others and yet here we have the same people wanting to arm kids, maybe we could give a child a gun and he/she can point it at this idiot.

  • Reply izski September 25, 2019 at 9:32 am

    “This segment of the conversation would absolutely cause heads to explode here in this country.”

    Sacha: “Why because they will be shot?”

    D E A D.

  • Reply Alexander The Great September 25, 2019 at 9:55 am

    "Happy shooting, kids"
    It sounded like
    "Happy shooting kids"

  • Reply Colton Strike September 26, 2019 at 2:52 am

    "We dont do it at 2 because they call it terrible 2s for a reason"

    "Yes"

  • Reply OFF TOPIC September 26, 2019 at 11:49 am

    Children under 5 also have elavted levels of pheromone blink-182, produced by the part of the liver known as Rita Ora, this allows nerve reflexes to travel through Cardi B

    ha ha ha

  • Reply pmdleiria dinis September 27, 2019 at 12:49 pm

    hell yeah, keep trolling people

  • Reply Tempest1352 September 27, 2019 at 7:15 pm

    Fear of guns is given by the media. OK

  • Reply Sean Sorotes September 28, 2019 at 8:10 am

    hardcore comedy. 🙂

  • Reply zidane9958 September 28, 2019 at 5:19 pm

    Isn’t candidate joe welsh the idiot who got fooled by sasha baron cohen in the show „who is america“?
    Look it up 😂

  • Reply Mully September 29, 2019 at 7:34 pm

    0:34 That walk. That f*cking walk.

  • Reply Hussam J September 30, 2019 at 3:51 am

    On another note, imagine how good it would’ve been playing Freddy Mercury. Just add the teeth.

  • Reply Risky Whiskey September 30, 2019 at 9:50 am

    Ozzicorn

  • Reply Risky Whiskey September 30, 2019 at 9:52 am

    He talks like a military Commander from France

  • Reply George H. W. Bush September 30, 2019 at 11:19 pm

    Philip Van Khleave

  • Reply Dariusus October 1, 2019 at 7:29 am

    That tie is waaay too long

  • Reply Nour Gharbi October 1, 2019 at 2:41 pm

    3:24 That smile is priceless.

  • Reply Caro X October 2, 2019 at 12:46 am

    This is horrible x_x

    Id leave America if I was a citizen there,. seems like theres too much toxins in the water or air, killing most of their braincells….🤔 or maybe evolution gone bad…

  • Reply lonewolf36s October 3, 2019 at 5:16 am

    and why isn't the democratic party pushing this on cnn?
    seriously.

  • Reply Disco Dan October 3, 2019 at 10:20 am

    Below all the comedy is something rather disturbing…. human nature.

  • Reply LEO420 October 4, 2019 at 11:52 pm

    I bet it would be fun to shoot a bushmaster

  • Reply AnimeSaveMe October 5, 2019 at 2:55 am

    It started funny, but it got real sad real quick. wtf???

  • Reply Noto Borders October 5, 2019 at 7:11 am

    I am speechless!!!!!!!

  • Reply Kpt Ackbar October 5, 2019 at 6:03 pm

    Like seriously, why are they not put in jail after this? This is sick. And they are politicians? After this have been aired? Wtf is wrong with you?

  • Reply terrier 35 October 5, 2019 at 11:24 pm

    This vid is hilarious bs

  • Reply Mrdankmeme jobs October 8, 2019 at 1:25 am

    Joe Rogan brought me here nice

  • Reply peger October 8, 2019 at 8:57 am

    Davy Crockett in every school 🙂

  • Reply P T October 11, 2019 at 7:01 am

    Sasha is the original troll

  • Reply Shaya Karim October 11, 2019 at 2:44 pm

    Lool I love how he compares parts of the body to singers lool

  • Reply Cassiano Oliveira October 12, 2019 at 3:37 am

    lol! and I was thinking that we were bad in Brazil…

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