How can you stop giving a f**k? By the way, from now on, I am not going to bleep that so if you’re offended by F-bombs, this might not be the video for you. That is a question that I get fairly often and many times, the person asking it has Tyler Durden in mind. He is the cool bad boy from Fight Club that has a not-giving-a-fuck ideal and I think it’s because when we watched Fight Club, so many of us feel like the narrator played by Edward Norton. Sometimes we’re afraid to ask for what we want. We should find a hotel. Ugh… what? You just had to ask, man. What are you talking about? Aw, god. Three pitchers of beer and you still can’t ask. What? You called me because you needed a place to stay. Oh, hey. No, no, no. I didn’t mean… Yes, you did. So just ask. Sometimes we avoid confrontation or spend days working up to it. …I saw you at Tuberculosis, I saw you at Testicular Cancer… I saw you practicing this. Practicing what? Telling me off. Is it going as well as you hoped? And sometimes we worry so much about what people think about us that we obsess over what our purchases communicate about us as people. …the Hovetrekke home exerbike or the Ohamshab sofa with the Strinne green stripe pattern. Even the Ryslampa wire lamps have environmentally-friendly unbleached paper. I’d flip through catalogues and wonder, “What kind of dining set defines me as a person?” And then we see Tyler Durden. He can’t be controlled by ads. He can’t be threatened because he’s not afraid of anything. Men follow his lead and Marla continues to hang around even when he treats her terribly. Tyler durden is a shining example of someone who has everything we want without seemingly even struggle for it. In his own words… …all the ways you wish you could be — that’s me. I look like you want to look, I fuck like you want to fuck, I’m smart, capable, and most importantly, I’m free in all the ways that you are not. And that freedom to not give a fuck about all those things that some part of us knows we shouldn’t care about but still do, that’s what we’re so desirous of. In fact, maybe you know someone that has the Tyler Durden DGAF thing going on in spades — that one guy who seems to get what he wants effortlessly who seems unafraid to do the things that maybe take you massive amounts of courage or preparation. He does what he wants — when he wants just because and it seems to work out perfectly for him. He just does not give a fuck. For instance, watch how unreactive Tyler is to the bar owner’s presence at Fight Club. Who told you motherfuckers that you could use my place? We have a deal with that with Herman. Now when most of us are confronted with someone in a suit or someone who owns the place or someone who is swearing at us telling us what to do, the truth is we probably have an immediate reaction to shrink physically to cover up — maybe your heart even starts to race and you’ll have a hard time speaking but not Tyler Durden. He remains completely exposed showing just how much he does not care. …broken collar bone. You don’t own this place. I do. How much money did you get paid for this? There is no money. Really? You’re free to owe. And at this point, most of us would be explaining ourselves quickly racing to say how we didn’t mean any harm and that we didn’t know we were breaking any rules but not Tyler Durden. In fact, he is so unfazed that rather than continuing to respond to loose questions, he redirects the conversation inviting Lou to join Fight Club. He is completely non-reactive to loose threats implied and really has no problem taking leadership over this conversation because of how comfortable he is. Now that doesn’t mean that none of those threats come true. You stupid fuck. I want everybody out of here right now. Hey, you should join our club. Did you hear what I just said? You and your friend. If you’re like I was in my younger years, you might even try to copy this person hoping to get some of their cool calm collectiveness in the face of pressure but if you do, you’ll quickly find that there’s an issue. Not giving a fuck about other people might make you cooler in certain situations. It might get your short-term advantages and it might even get you more of what you want but it also makes you an asshole. …right in everyone’s hostile little face. Yes, these are bruises from fighting. Yes, I’m comfortable with that. I am enlightened. We see it over and over again with Tyler Durden — he’s mean to Marla, he encourages people to start fights with strangers, he smashes into this guy’s car just so we can hit rock bottom, and he gets Bob killed. Despite all of that, he just doesn’t care. Bob is dead. They shot him in the head. If you want to make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs. So are we doomed? Do we have to choose between being a nice person who isn’t respected on the one hand and an asshole who gets heaps of respecting power on the other? Sometimes it can seem like it especially if you’ve got that guy in mind who treats people poorly and still comes out ahead all the time. But there is another way. In fact, we can see exactly what that way is if we explore Tyler Durden more carefully. When we watch the final scenes of Fight Club, we see that Tyler does give a fuck — just not about the same things as everybody else. In his case, he cares about the success of Project Mayhem. Crazy as it is, he has a vision for the future. The world I see you’re stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You will wear leather clothes that last you the rest of your life. You will climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. This vision of the future is where the real superpower lies. If you want to develop the awesome ability to stay cool under pressure as Tyler Durden, the answer is not to give no fucks. It’s to care intensely about just a few things — so intensely that whenever there’s pressure to conform, you simply return your focus to the things that really do matter. When you have that kind of clarity, you’re less likely to be scared by rejection or failure. You’re less likely to worry about what other people may think. You’re less likely to feel like you have to justify yourself and more likely to be joined by like-minded people who see your example and get curious — we see a snippet of this in the movie. Notice here how Tyler makes no attempt to justify himself. His example is enough to inspire questions and that is when he lets people in on his life view. We were finding out more and more that we are not alone. A similar thing happened in my own life. When I ran around telling everyone that they had to read The 4-Hour Work Week and they had to quit their job, pretty much no one listened but since I’ve stop justifying and explaining and trying to convince and return to just living my life and sharing my experiences on Youtube without forcing anyone to watch, more and more people have gotten curious. More and more people have started asking questions and more and more people have followed soon. which brings me to the real reason that Tyler Durden is so magnetic. When the situation calls for it, he can articulate his life philosophy with conviction. …or just polishing the brass on the titanic. It’s all going down, man. Fuck off. Sofa units and Strinne green striped patterns. I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let’s evolved. Let the chips fall where they may. It’s those clear monologues that make Tyler Durden such a beacon for both the characters in the movie and those of us who are watching. He has a clear life philosophy and rather than telling strangers they need to get on board, he just lives it. When people either challenge him or get curious enough to follow him around asking him questions, he is able to succinctly explain his world view. It’s not that he gives zero fucks, it’s just that he knows what matters to him and, just as importantly, what doesn’t. You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. Now, if all of this were just words, it wouldn’t be persuasive at all — there would be no following. But Tyler lives in integrity with his ideals which means that his actions and his words are in alignment. He refuses to pursue the things that he says don’t matter. That’s why he lives in a dilapidated house and has very few material possessions. For what it’s worth, I think Tyler Durden nails the problem of modern-day society on its head but his solution — destroy everything, hit rock bottom, pay little attention to how it affects others — doesn’t really work for me so here comes the actionable part of this video where you can start to get some of what Tyler Durden has in the right way. Start by watching this clip. …goddamnit, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slave in white collars; advertising education, cars and clothes; working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. Let’s assume that you can relate to this. Chances are at least some part of you is caught up defining yourself by the brand or the job or the money in your bank or even the khakis. If you want to not give a fuck about those things and if you want to start to develop the magnetism of a Tyler Durden or maybe that guy you know, you have to first care more about something else. You have to have a life philosophy that you live proudly but that you don’t shove down people’s throats and you have to be able to articulate it when people ask you about it or even when they challenge it. So what is it going to be? What matters most to you? Is it music? Art? Pushing the limits of science forward, building a business or maybe just relaxing and enjoying life and your relationships? I encourage you to sit and actually write this out because if you don’t have a life philosophy, one will be given to you by people that are trying to sell you something. The things you own end up owning you. So write out your philosophy and I encourage you to share it in the comments below. Write out what matters, what doesn’t, and what choices you are going to make to live in integrity with those beliefs. After all, anyone can say that something is important to them but it means nothing if their actions don’t reflect that. Before you finish up that philosophy though, I want to share just one more thing that I really think deserves to make it into that life philosophy and that is other people. Now I don’t mean wearing clothes that other people think are cool or taking the job other people think is prestigious — that’s all just caring about fitting in. When I say other people, I mean caring about their well-being even when it is inconvenient. I mean sticking up for the person who is being bullied at your school or workplace. I mean being honest even when it’s to your detriment. And I mean giving even just a little to people who are really struggling. You see, when you only focus on yourself, it’s really easy to get caught up in rage and anger over everything that you don’t have — that’s Tyler Durden driving motivator and he’s not wrong. Tyler just has a narrow perspective. Broaden your view. Take other people into account especially those that are the worst off and when you do that, you’ll find that any anger you have at the unfairness of your own circumstances just disappears because what’s left at that point is gratitude and if you do go out of your way to help those people, that you get probably the most awesome feeling a human being can have which is fulfillment at participating in a purpose larger than yourself so right now, as you define your own life philosophy, I’m inviting you to include something that will give you both gratitude and fulfillment on top of the magnetism of Tyler Durden. I’m inviting you to give a fuck about other people because with the release of this video I’m going to be opening a fundraiser for Charity Water — it’s an organization that provides clean drinking water for people who don’t have it. These are people who get waterborne diseases or who can’t get educated because the amount of time they spent just hauling water back and forth — people who generally just have a really hard time getting one of the most basic requirements for life. So if this video resonated with you and if you’re thinking, “You know what? I could use a little bit more fulfillment in my life,” trust me, this is a decision that will brighten the rest of your day and potentially save someone else’s life. So there’s a link to Charity Waters fundraising page in the description that you can click now. I encourage you to give five bucks — one fuck about somebody else on the other side of the planet because it will help them, because you’ll feel happier for it, and because it would be pretty awesome to be part of something that could wind up literally saving hundreds of lives. Ben and I have each personally donated one thousand dollars this month and we will every single month for the rest of 2017 and I don’t know if it’s going to feel as awesome every single day for us but it feels like the right thing to do since your, guys, support of this YouTube channel has put me in a position where I can even afford to do something like that. So thank you so, so much for supporting the channel, for making my donation possible and I hope that you decide to give a fuck with us. Remember, you click that link in the description you give five bucks or more if you choose to and you’re getting someone clean drinking water. So I hope that you liked this video. I hope that you’re working out a life philosophy that makes you extremely proud and magnetic and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.