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How To Make A Guy Make Date Plans With You – Ask Mark #57 Ft. Jermia

January 14, 2020

Mark: What do you do when you’re a planner
and the guy you’re seeing isn’t, how do you communicate to your ex that even though you
want to be friends, you’re going to need some space first and how do you tell a guy that
you’re not up for something casual before you go on the first day? Welcome to Ask Mark. It’s week number 57 I’m here with beautiful
Jermia and we are at holy wow! Gorgeous Venice Beach. Jermia: Venice Beach. Mark: This place is incredible. I love it. Live from California. Ask Mark. Well, live for us. Jermia: We’re live in California at this moment. Mark: Not live for you when you watch the
video. Let’s get onto some questions, shall we? The first question is from, imstacey with
her amazing Neverhood avatar. She says, great video once again, Mark, thank
you. Could you please make it, make a video about
how to deal with a dating scenario where a man is not planning dates ahead and just says,
“goodbye, good night” at the end of the date. It kills me when they do that. I’m a planner and I don’t like uncertainty,
but the majority of men I’ve dated don’t like planning ahead. And I said, is he letting you know later in
the week are not lifting a finger? And she said he either lets me know right
before the weekend or doesn’t lift a finger at all until I contact him and start giving
him blunt hints. But I would be up for another date. I love it when they start planning the next
date on the date or in the middle of the date at the end plus continue to do so in the future. I know this happens naturally when a guy’s
into me, but sometimes some guys just don’t like to plan ahead regardless of their level
of attraction. This is a great question. I love this question. There’s a couple of elements you’ve explored
here, Stacey. So there’s kinda two things we’re thinking,
Jermia, do you wanna kick us off? Jermia: Yeah. So at first you kind of need to establish
whether or not this guy is just a poor planner or he is a little bit disinterested. Mark: or a lot disinterested. Yeah, Jermia: Yeah. So it depends if he’s, you know, initiating
contact during the week. Like he, he’s still talking to you regularly
and it’s, you know, shared amount that like if you’re contacting him just as much as he’s
contacting you or if it’s always you consistently initiating and then it is, you know, towards
the end of the week when you’re finally like, come on, like what are we doing? And that’s when he’s like, Oh, you know, like
haven’t made any other plans. So cool, I’ll jump in. That’s completely different to a guy who’s,
who is, you know, initiating halfway, like, you know, kind of matching your investment
level and he’s just not good at planning and we’ll still talk to you. And then finally when he’s able to kind of
be like, alright, cool, let’s commit to something. So… Mark: is there an emotional momentum there
throughout the week and he’s just a bad planner? Or is there nothing there throughout the week
and he only plans stuff at the weekend, last minute when you contact him? Two totally different scenarios. So the second scenario is easier to deal with
where he’s not that into you. You kind of know what to do there, but in
the first scenario, planning, what do you do? How do you assess it when a guy’s genuinely
into you, but much like myself tends to do things last minute. Even with people that we know we need to see
tends to get organized last minute. This someone like Stacey’s a planner. Jermia: Yeah. Well, what you want to be doing is trying to
meet each other halfway if that’s possible. You need to assess how kind of big the gap
is. If you’re like planning kind of months in
ahead and he’s planning like day before, it’s going to be a bit of an incompatibility that
it’s probably not going to be something that you’re able to really work through, but if
the gap isn’t too much and he’s willing to meet you halfway and you’re willing to make
him halfway, there’s definitely something you can address working through. Mark: Yeah, that’s where you can have the
conversation. Assuming it’s not too far. Hey, we obviously like each other. I’m a bit of a planner. I know you like to be a bit more spontaneous. Can we meet in the middle? I’ll, I’ll be a bit less, you know, I’ll try
to be a bit less planny with you and maybe you’d be a bit more planny with me. If the emotional momentum is there, you can
have that conversation just fine. You will have to watch expectations, Stacey. Certainly planning the next date on the current
date is it’s not going to be compatible for a lot of guys, so you will have to meet some
guys in the middle. Now, the other thing you can do is you can
teach the guy what you will and won’t accept in your life by basically showing your standards
with your actions. i.e. he says, “I can’t prepare this early
in the week.” You say, “that’s cool.” You book out your weekend, and then when he
says on Friday, Jermia: well sorry, I’m busy, like you didn’t
give me any dates. Mark: If the guy’s really into you, he’s going
to learn his lesson Jermia: and like, Oh wait, I want to hang
out with this girl. She’s busy. I’m going to try and make times and get in
there earlier next time. I’ll planned stuff good. Mark: All right, beautiful. Next one is from Jen, and Jen says, hi Mark,
I’m so glad to have found you and all of your videos are great. They have really helped me change myself within
myself and over the last week I’ve had an ex that I really do still love, but the fact
is since we split, I’ve made great mistakes really by just staying friends with him and
now we like friends with benefits. We both said at first we wouldn’t go down
that road, but it happened, which I know I never should have. Looking at the videos you do, he probably
does not respect me anymore. And he is the one that always stayed in touch
with me and and not let me go. There’s been many times where I’ve told him
enough is enough in the first place and he believed that I would walk away completely,
but I guess he does not now because I’ve never stuck with it. This is really common, Jen, really common,
but I think it would be best if we were not to be in touch for some time. I think I agree Jen. So how would I go about just saying to him
that I really want some space, so no spending time together or talking without telling him
to fuck off and basically being a rude bitch. Um, don’t get me wrong, I still want to walk
away, but uh, it would not be easy. Please help me. Jermia: It is a really hard situation. Obviously you guys are still in relatively
good terms. You’re still kind of sleeping together. So it’s just a conversation that you’re going
to have to have with him. As hard as it is. Just have to kind of say, look, I know this
is hard, but like I need to take some time for myself just to clear my head of all this
kind of stuff and you know, have time to get over you and cause I don’t think this is healthy
for either of us. And you know, I’d really love if you could
support me in that by not reaching out to me while I kind of get over you. Mark: Come and be vulnerable. Ask for his help. Hey, I’m struggling right now. As Jermia said, I need this space. I need to get over you. I need for you to not contact me for a while. Jermia: It doesn’t have to be the end either. Like you can still have a really nice kind
of friendly, mutual parting and then eventually when you’re both over each other and living
your lives, you can still be friendly and amicable. Like it doesn’t have to be on bad terms. Mark: Great question. Love it again, great questions in the moment. Uh, we’ve got Julia, it’s the last question
for today. Julia says, I finally asked an old friend
that I met online over two years ago to meet up in March. Both have been busy with work and live three
hours from each other and his first response was so positive. This will be our first time meeting Unfortunately
had so many things going for us in the past, uh, going on for us in the past that when
one was busy, the other wasn’t, et cetera, vice versa. But, I want to make it clear to him that I’m
not wanting to have sex and just hang out as I rather intimacy with someone I deeply
care about. How should I tell him? Jermia: Yeah, we have a great video on this
one and you know How to Tell Him That You’re Not Going to Have Sex With Him, so have
a check out of that video that we’ve got on the channel already. Mark: Yeah. The easiest way to do it is to keep it playful
and, and kind of like that way you don’t feel bad. He kind of gets the message and he still sees
you as a high value woman. Mark: Yeah. You can search How to Tell A Guy You’re Not
Having Sex With Him. Will be right up the top there and that’s
for the ends of dates. Jermia: Yeah. Now that’s when you’re already on this one. You’re already on that day with him, but I
have a feeling you may want to tell him before you get there. That way you don’t have to worry about it
while you’re on the actual date itself. You can super easily to send him a message
like say the day before, say “Hey, like really looking forward to tomorrow. Just FYI, I’m not into like the casual thing. So if you’re still happy to meet up, that’d
be amazing. And I’m really looking forward to the date.” Mark: Yeah, fantastic. Fantastic text. I really have nothing to add to that. Um, the guy’s going to get the message with
that. And if he meets up with you, he’s basically
agreeing to those terms. If you don’t get time to send that text as
Jermia says, you can do the playful approach at the end of the day. If he asks you home, you can also do the series
approach. You can say, “Hey look, I’ve loved tonight
not really looking for something casual, but if you do want to meet again and get to know
each other, you know, I’d love to do that.” Obviously the other thing as well, make sure
if you are looking for something non casual and you want to build towards something, don’t
make the first date at home. Make sure you meet somewhere in public so
you can then go to those playful or more serious lines at the end of the day. Mark: Beautiful. Thank you for watching. Hey, don’t forget to join the Facebook group. Jermia is in there. Brett is in there. My amazing master coaches. I’m in there too when I’m not spending time
answering the comments on here. We’ve got a whole community going in there. It’s amazing. You guys are doing the most amazing job in
there. Yeah, these guys are great. Don’t forget to hit that like button on the
video, the big red subscribe button with the little bell as well so you get the notifications. Leave your comment question below. We’ll answer it in the next few weeks and
thank you again. We’ll see you next week. Jermia: Bye! [Music]

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  • Reply Ishtar Ashtaroot April 1, 2018 at 3:15 pm

    You both look gorgious! Love you guys. Happy Easter, and lots of love. 💙💙

  • Reply Monica Levy Tyler April 1, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    How do I control my agitation and stop initiating?
    When I stop, I only bear for one day without initiating. And in this mean time he does not initiate.
    Should I bear for more days? How many days?

  • Reply Marina Slavova April 1, 2018 at 3:19 pm

    Great video Mark👍🏻 Looooove your videos!🤗

  • Reply Lori Bateman April 1, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    Thank-you 😁 Happy Easter

  • Reply Luminous Life April 1, 2018 at 3:29 pm

    Thank you Mark and Jermia for a great video… with great Q&A's. Definately been open and vulnerable with exes helps… But sometimes one needs to be stern. I told my most recent ex not to contact me again when we broke up… as I was fed up of exes always trying to sneek back in. I told him in the future we may be able to friends but for the foreseeable future you have to promise to leave me alone. It worked he texted a year or so after… But due to the text he sent I ignored it. Exes can be tricky. Thanks Mark… great subjects 🙂 x

  • Reply nagham lvly April 1, 2018 at 4:12 pm

    hey hiiii🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 princes miss you .

  • Reply nagham lvly April 1, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    I don't want date plan with anyone. .just miss you guys really. 😍 , so cute my princess 👑

  • Reply imstacey666 April 1, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    Thank you so much for a great video and for answering my question, Mark! And thank you, Jermia! 🙂 You guys gave some wonderful advice as always. I'm glad to finally know what to do in situations like these without it being awkward and annoying.

  • Reply Shiva Mousavi April 1, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    Nice video

  • Reply Lucy Alexander April 2, 2018 at 12:24 am

    Dear Mark, I really love your videos and I would appreciate your advice on the following situation: Over the past month I've been working with this guy and up until yesterday he had shown no interest in me. Yesterday, was my last day on the job, I gave him a hug goodbye and he said 'aww your so small', I replied 'No, I'm the perfect size your just really tall', he then said 'do you think we should be a couple'. I wasn't sure whether he was joking or being serious. I panicked and said 'I could never date such a tall guy' , he laughed and said 'I'll take that as a rejection then.' I'm unlikely to meet him again, but I am friends with him on Facebook. Is there anyway I could contact him and show him that I am interested in going on a date with him, without embarrassing myself, if he was joking? Thank you so much for your help!

  • Reply risamore April 2, 2018 at 2:50 am

    Always healthy advices ❤️

  • Reply Jen Daisy April 2, 2018 at 11:32 am

    Thank you very much guys you are amazing 🙂

  • Reply Ana-Maria Georgieva April 2, 2018 at 6:05 pm

    Mark and Jamia, aside of your natural ability to intuitively gauge patterns and provide great advice, what other qualification have you received? I am very interested in pursuing similar career, hence my question. Best regards from Seattle, visit us as well!

  • Reply Ayan ahmed April 2, 2018 at 9:59 pm

    Hey mark we love you from somalia 🇸🇴🇸🇴🇸🇴 africa,lives london united kigndom😍

  • Reply Alex Trevor April 4, 2018 at 1:47 am

    Contact @jasperderson on Instagram whenever you need your partners Instagram, twitter or Facebook account hacked without them finding out. Except verified accounts.

  • Reply lulu mustafa April 4, 2018 at 4:10 am

    I have a giant question and I need a lot of help there was this guy I used to date 9 months ago we were only dating for about 6 months he left me and ghosted me to be with another girl she ended up leaving him to be with her boyfriend because she was cheating on her boyfriend by Sleeping with him now this guy won't leave me alone he's been showing up to my work he's drove by several times he came down twice and he even bought the girl he left me with with him because they're still friends I blocked him on social media he made a fake account just to look at my stuff and when I tweet something he continues to respond by subtweeting and I don't know why he's going to this extent what is this all mean does he still have feelings what is this I'm lost I'm confused as to why he keeps showing up to Mysore why he keeps tweeting about me even though we don't follow each other why he made a fake account and why he's going to the 6th and it's been 9 months since the whole incident happened why is he trying to do this to me I even told him let's drop it and let's remain cordial he left me on read and then showed up to my work the next day I need help can you please tell me what this means and why he's doing this

  • Reply Daydream Baby April 4, 2018 at 2:03 pm

    Hi Mark, I ended up in a very complicated situation I can't deal with. A couple of months ago I met a guy who I was supposed to work with on a project. I wanted our relationship to be clearly professional, but I didn't notice that from the day we met he wanted more. It seems like he used the project as a very comfortable excuse to keep seeing me. He took me out on very romantic dates which at that point I didn't realise were even dates (which was extremely naive of me, he was very obvious). I tried to friendzone him and I was doing that in a very cruel way. He still kept trying and I started enjoying that even though I wasn't attracted to him at all. Before the christmas break he became more distant seeing that I didn't give him anything in return. Scared of abandonment after 3 weeks of not seeing him I decided to fix the situation. I started missing him, I got him a christmas gift and for the first time it was me who suggested the meeting. He was very into it. We went out for the whole night. He kept buying me cocktails, flirting with me and making extremely sexual comments. I even took him to my room (I was so stupid) where he was so obvious about wanting to have sex with me. I didn't do anything. I was cold. That night changed everything. I didn't realise what went wrong. My friends who made me notice how unfair I was, luring him and giving nothing in return. Since then it seems like he gave up fully. And I, scared of abandonment again, developed feelings. Again I tried so hard to fix the situation. Did a surprise for him on valentines day, kept initiating new meetings. But he seemed so bitter, apathetic and slightly angry. Finally he told me he can only treat my as a friend now, and what happened in the past doesn't matter. I was so shocked by that, but still wanted to keep him as a friend. I apologised him. It's not working. He's avoiding me, making stupid excuses and lying. It's obvious he doesn't want to see me anymore. At the same time he's still active on my ig. I know it would be healthy to let it go, but it's so hard for me since I know I made a massive mistake and when I wanted to give him a chance and make up for what I did he rejected it. Is there any chance to fix it? I know he was madly attracted to me. I can't believe his feelings are fully gone. In recent weeks I offered him so much attention and warmth, but he's ignoring that.

  • Reply Selin s. April 4, 2018 at 7:33 pm

    Hey Mark! I need your advice. There is a guy I have been seeing for a month. We spend great time together and it is going nice and slow..I really like him and obviously he likes me too. I want this to evolve into a relationship. This is my question: I don't want to sleep with him before it is officially declared that we are bf and gf. So how can I communicate this with a him without sounding like I put conditions? I don't want it to be a turn off. What is your idea for a better way to communicate my standards? Thank you!

  • Reply Mahima Choudhary April 4, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    Hey Mark, I recently discovered your channel and really loved it!
    I am talking to a guy I met online and will be meeting him soon but I will most likely go abroad for higher studies in 3 months so should I even consider dating him for this short period of time? And he certainly is unaware of the fact that I'll be leaving in 3 months. Also I feel that he likes me and I like to talking to him as well!

  • Reply gummay818 April 4, 2018 at 9:01 pm

    Hey mark can you talk about guys with female friends? I'm dating a guy now that seem to have female friends he see on the regular. One is a massage therapist. He mentioned she would give him a kiss on the forehead everytime. I don't want to be that girl but how can I approach this matter without making him feel controlled?

  • Reply Dipanjan Hazra April 5, 2018 at 12:06 pm

    Sir, We are in 4 years long love relationship. Few days back we have some quarrel between us. But that is not a new thing.
    But now she tells that she never loves me before. Now she wants me as a lifelong friend.
    I am very depressed. I want her back.
    please help me.

  • Reply Elizabeth April 5, 2018 at 7:43 pm

    i have been watching you videos and i love them. Im so glad i found your channel but i have a situation right now that i could use some help with. I am a single mom and recently my sons father has been messaging me asking how i have been doing on at least a weekly basis and when ever we see each other we always have long chats with each other normally lasting at least 2 hours when we ether pick up or drop off our son with the other parent. He was married for 9 years and got a divorce about a year ago while i had been in a relationship. i have been single for 3 months and during that time all this started with him communicating more and he has recently said he would like to hang out with me at some point. To clarify i broke up with him when i was 18 im now 29 how should i go about all this with out hurting ether of us? We have both expressed to one another we are still attracted to each other but neither of us want anything serious at the moment but are willing to see where it goes. Any advice?

  • Reply taemebal April 6, 2018 at 6:51 am

    So, I met this girl on a game and we gave each other our snapchat usernames, I know she likes me because she says it constantly and in like her, we know what the other looks like and all, but the hard part is that I need to text her to communicate, I live in Oregon US and she lives in Montana US, how can I ask her out without having things get awkward between me and her, "we are both 13"

  • Reply Ira Pancho April 13, 2018 at 7:50 am

    Sorta similar situation with the very first question on planning. Say we go back n fort (snapchat not text 😬) and he always sends snapchat of him out fishing… so I hinted a bit that me and him should go! He says if I’m down, he is good “anytime.” Is he not that interested and just goin with it, what do you guys think? Great content as always 🙌🏽 bless ahahaha

  • Reply Dragona 72 August 7, 2018 at 2:18 am

    I'm in a steady relationship and he usually doesn't plan like I do,more spontaneous for sure.
    I also initiate all texting as well…I will have to tell him I'd appreciate more initiation when I see
    him tomorrow..He asked me to hangout once I told him my days off though
    Thanks for the advice

  • Reply Doreen Herman October 18, 2018 at 1:44 pm

    Hi mark ,what can I do about my situation, which is this guy been text me and calling me for a few months and he said we had good connection but we not had a date yet as he keeps putting it off,and then he started to ignore me ,then he came back again saying he wants to be friends, and now he as disappeared now for 6 days now ,but the worst thing is that I fell for him and now I am beginning to feel like a foul,so what's your advice

  • Reply Luciana Silva October 18, 2018 at 6:01 pm

    I love this channel. Some situations I am not living but is always good to know theses information.

  • Reply Vionica Rey May 17, 2019 at 5:01 am

    Im going to follow your advice. Its friday now and still he hasnt finalized a plan. Im not going to meet him tonight just to teach him a lesson that he cannot invite me last minute. Winds me up completely i cannot date a man who doesnt plan. I like him a lot tho and i know he likes me as well, but the communication is poor and i cannot deal with it 😔

  • Reply Merle Brown June 23, 2019 at 10:15 pm

    I was so excited and kind of shocked at same time after a man I met online helped me get back my bf when we recently broke up. it worked so quickly, started with phone calls then he came home like nothing happen. that's the email in case anyone is wondering (drphilipspelltemple @yahoo. com) . I got result in a week 😀

  • Reply Jecinta M September 23, 2019 at 3:55 pm

    Which one is OK, a guy to plan for our first date where to meet or a guy asking me where I want us to meet? Thanks 😘😘

  • Reply Mark Rosenfeld September 25, 2019 at 4:33 am

    Who's here now still watching this video on How To Make A Guy Make Date Plans With You?? If so, hit 'reply' to let me know your thoughts on the video! You can also DM me your questions on insta @makehimyours! And don't forget your FREE download via

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