Articles, Blog

How to Deal with Relationships? | Sadhguru

October 11, 2019


Sadhguru: But he must be punished? (Laughter) Either by you or somebody he must be punished. (Laughter and Applause) What kind of punishment do you normally give to people? (Laughter) Already enough of punishment has been given, isn’t it? Already it’s been given – the ugliness, the nastiness, the silent treatment everything has happened, so what more punishment you want to give? Your thing is, there is no remorse on other side. There is no remorse on the other side because people are doing what they want to do, not what you want them to do, always. And that may not be in your interest, but they are doing what they want to do. Is it right, wrong – I am not going into the morality of it. I want you to understand the mechanics of the situation. Somebody is doing what they want to do; now you think they must be punished, probably they have not broken any law, otherwise they would be anyway punished. They’re breaking an understanding between two people; probably you misunderstood the understanding. You believed that these understandings are absolute; they are not. Nowhere in the history of humanity or today or in anytime in future, will human relationships be absolute, though every every person who gets little romantic, believes that this is going to be an absolute relationship, there is no such thing about it. A relationship is a variable, always; you have to conduct it on a daily basis. One day if you don’t conduct it properly it may go somewhere. Yes or no? No, please look at it as it is. You have to conduct it right, so ‘No I am doing my best,’ – obviously somebody feels your best is not good enough for them. I want you to come to terms with this. This is not about I am not saying what they doing is right or wrong, that’s not for me to say, all I am saying is this is how human beings are functioning for ages and still are. I am saying first of all you need to understand relationships will never, ever be absolute, they will be variables that… you it’s juggling, that you have to do. If you are juggling with five balls one sometimes, it will spill out, takes lot of skill and attention. Yes or no? You’re married many of you; doesn’t it take lot of skill and attention? If you don’t pay any attention you don’t know what the hell is happening. (Laughs) It takes a lot of attention, isn’t it? Someone just called me, from some country in Europe and ‘Sadhguru I am just doing housework, come and save me. (Laughter) Take me away to your ashram; I am just doing house work.’ She is washing dishes and stuff, well very affluent but has four children, so all the time there is thing to do endlessly. (Laughs) And today the maid did not turn up so you have to wash the dishes, four children are there, you got to wash the dishes, you got to wash everything. (Laughs) So I am saying, you need to understand this, a relationship is a variable reality, it is not an absolute reality. If you want to have an absolute relationship you must hold relationships with the dead. That’s the reason why lot of people choose God because it’s an absolute. You can handle it whichever way you want. If you didn’t think of him for ten days, another eleventh day if you think of him, he is still there. (Laughter) You do that to your husband or wife or somebody then (Laughs) something else will happen. You went away, got busy forgot about God for three years again you can think; still there. (Laughter) So if you want to have an absolute relationship you must you should not choose human beings. Human relationships are variables, needs lot of attention. So that’s why some people decide in their life, they don’t have the time and the energy to manage such things, so they take another path where there is no such obligation, they close their eyes, they are by themselves. They don’t care, who is around them, what’s around them. So you can’t do that. So I think it’s best in trying to punish somebody you will only end up punishing yourself, they doing what they want to do it’s best that you see what is it that you really want with your life; you don’t have to react with them and do something stupid like them. You just have to sit down and look at this; when your illusions are broken, you’re disillusioned right now; it’s a very good thing. If your illusions are broken, that means life is bringing you closer to reality, isn’t it? So this is an opportunity for you to sit down and see ‘what is the nature of my life, why is it?’ See this piece of life is a complete piece of life. Isn’t it so? Is it half a life? Are you half a life or full life? Full life. Why is it that it feels so incomplete that it needs another person to fill this life, why is it, it’s time to look at it, isn’t it? If this is a full life this is complete by itself. But right now you made it in such a way that this cannot exist with that one and that one without that one and that one and that one. So somewhere it’s an incomplete life or at least it is not realized the fullness of its nature, isn’t it? This is a complete piece of life; packed with Creator and creation together, very great combination. If you… this is a time when life knocks at your door like this, it’s time you look deeper rather than reacting and trying to fix somebody else. Punishing somebody else is not going to transform your life, not going to make your life beautiful in anyway. Some sick satisfaction you will have for two days, after that you will feel guilty about that also, yes? Initially when this emotion is hot it gives you satisfaction; after sometime when you look back, you will feel ashamed of yourself. So don’t go that way. This is an opportunity somebody is opening up a spiritual dimension for you really, somebody is making you realize how fragile all these things are; they can cheat you, they can run away, they can divorce you or they can fall dead, isn’t it? If they fall dead you wouldn’t think he cheated me, would you think? No but whichever way you’re denied, isn’t it? The important thing is you’re denied something. How he did it, is not the problem, he denied you something either by death or divorce or cheating or whatever you call it but essentially you got denied. You can be denied only because you are in a certain illusory state of believing that this is half a life and it needs another half from somewhere. No this is a complete life, if you’ve blossomed as a complete life, you will see relationships will be of a completely different nature. It will be more of coming together and sharing, not of extracting; it has to transform. If it has to transform you have to transform, this is a great opportunity somebody has given you. Stop using these words somebody cheated me, just say somebody is pushing you towards ultimate reality from an illusory state, we must thank that person. (Applause) You must be grateful. Instead of keeping you instead of keeping you in illusion, instead of keeping you in your life or a whole lifetime, so soon they are making you realize this (Laughs) otherwise you will know this at the time of your death. Yes, you will know at the time of your death, when you are dying, ‘I am scared why don’t you come with me?’ He will say ‘no’. (Laughter) So that last moment instead of knowing it’s better to know now. (Laughter)

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100 Comments

  • Reply VINVYJOMANIA July 26, 2016 at 5:59 am

    Thanks

  • Reply ms&mrreckoning August 5, 2016 at 11:43 pm

    if you're honest then its not cheating
    if youre with integrity its not cheating
    you'll live with oneness of honesty & integrity.. & see Creator in everyone, that we play & share & have short lives
    like plants express beauty in many ways & die

  • Reply Jai Adwani October 31, 2016 at 10:12 am

    thank you Sadhguru ji and your team who is making your messages reach us 🙂

  • Reply Perri Mitchell November 3, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    So true xD

  • Reply S H December 5, 2016 at 12:11 am

    Very true

  • Reply The Cooking Nomad January 8, 2017 at 9:35 pm

    it is better to know now

  • Reply Forever Archie February 6, 2017 at 7:21 pm

    true thank you sadguru

  • Reply Jaya Kumar February 7, 2017 at 6:01 pm

    Good message Guruji. Takes time to understand and implement these in our life. Life is all about how we see it 🙂

  • Reply Davor Boro February 9, 2017 at 9:37 pm

    07:30

  • Reply Kathy Porcelli February 26, 2017 at 4:57 am

    thank you Sadhguru

  • Reply Abcmathew Def April 3, 2017 at 11:35 am

    Wow!! absolutely wow!!

  • Reply purvi .M. June 17, 2017 at 6:07 am

    👍eye opener

  • Reply purvi .M. June 17, 2017 at 6:08 am

    👍eye opener .

  • Reply madhu dutt June 21, 2017 at 6:58 am

    THANK YOU…SADHGURU!!!

  • Reply Amanda 77 June 27, 2017 at 12:22 am

    Thank you Sadhguru 🌻🌷🌺…

  • Reply rahul patel June 27, 2017 at 7:11 am

    fact

  • Reply cali1979 July 1, 2017 at 6:51 am

    studdddddddd

  • Reply muthyala bhargavi July 1, 2017 at 9:11 pm

    following you guru… thanks a lot you making my life so easier and pleasant.

  • Reply Lucy Renée July 30, 2017 at 4:07 pm

    ✨🙏🏽✨😘

  • Reply MIND HEAL August 29, 2017 at 11:27 am

    Best video ever

  • Reply Teuku Sherly September 3, 2017 at 4:43 am

    Thank you 👍

  • Reply Surya Uppuluri November 9, 2017 at 5:12 pm

    Much needed wisdom for us, emotional humans – to behave rational.

  • Reply Madhushree Aradhya November 10, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    Awesome

  • Reply TANUSHREE CHAKRABORTY November 11, 2017 at 7:23 am

    Thankyou guruji ur words saved my life

  • Reply Shivanand T December 7, 2017 at 5:01 pm

    Thank you ji…

  • Reply Be/ rose Maryminati December 9, 2017 at 8:04 am

    Jio Sadguru ji…..

  • Reply Yugsikha Deka December 11, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    Very true 😓

  • Reply Tanmoy Panda December 11, 2017 at 5:00 pm

    Thanks sir.

  • Reply Bhoopal Roheria December 12, 2017 at 8:38 am

    I just sunk in🙇🙇🙇🙇, whatever I listened

  • Reply Manuel Mora December 13, 2017 at 6:26 pm

    That was beautiful 😭😭😭

  • Reply boing bryan December 30, 2017 at 6:02 am

    Tq sadhguru….

  • Reply Divine Within January 4, 2018 at 4:38 pm

    Thank you…

  • Reply Carolina Indiann January 7, 2018 at 8:13 pm

    SO BEAUTIFUL! BEST MESSAGE EVER!

  • Reply sarang khorgade January 10, 2018 at 12:42 pm

    great way of looking at Life. Thanks. 😊

  • Reply Kry Myst January 20, 2018 at 5:18 pm

    Said in such a beautiful way!

  • Reply Life at best January 27, 2018 at 5:19 am

    How true…I love it..😍

  • Reply Raga Etsenna February 4, 2018 at 11:50 am

    You nailed it

  • Reply sonia bhardwaj February 24, 2018 at 9:58 am

    Thankyou Sadhguru.. U helped to get clearity about relationships 🙏

  • Reply roccy delrio February 24, 2018 at 1:53 pm

    thanks alots guru

  • Reply Widuliya.Com - Explore the Future March 20, 2018 at 10:44 am

    Great advise

  • Reply Deeksha Pathak March 21, 2018 at 7:13 am

    Agree…ohh sadhguru

  • Reply Deeksha Pathak March 21, 2018 at 7:18 am

    Awesome…

  • Reply Ravi Bedia April 3, 2018 at 12:49 pm

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    🌱This is an inner practice which addresses fixes all aspects of your wellbeing for/of a humans system will takes care of the entire human systems well being of a the human system
    For more videos on mental health & for awareness & want your mind & emotions & your entire human system to constantly all the time be (in a) happy joyful blissful state by themselves, & be blissful by there your own nature & happen your way; & to take instructions from you & not be doing their own thing and not be constantly creating unpleasant & inner battles within you for and you & be working against you & be in your control take instructions from you then if you can please see take the time out to see this isha yogas inner engineering program for fixing all of the minds mental health looney bonkers problems. It creates a chemistry of bliss within oneself the your body, causes a situation where there's a little distance between you & your mind, what you call as you/myself & your mind body combination (or the thought process of the mind)once there's a little distance arises between you & your mind then this is truly the end of suffering because whatever is happening to the mind you are no longer a part of that the thought process as it is the mind which manufacturers misery no matter what you do as long as you're in it the psychology process in of the mind you will suffer endlessly in your life but once you go above the intellect once you're no longer a part of the psychological process then this truly is the end of suffering there can be no mental suffering within a human. So this process will make the your minds psychological process into a conscious one, process and not just (be let it)go on endlessly with own stories and endlessly be telling its own stories talks & chatter. Once you or your mind is happening consciously becomes a conscious process it will no longer not now create negative emotions or once your functioning consciously then you would not consciously create any negativity or suffering within yourself or for yourself isnt it. So this process will do it so that your mind takes instructions from you and it'll all them the time be happy and in your control irrespective regardless of outside whatever the external life circumstances & situations that are happening happen in life and only does what you want it to do and create the emotions that you want and it will be a unconscious process and it will no longer be do cause unpleasantness in you.If you want more/ the full Sadhgurus videos of sadhgurus where he fully really properly can explain this entire yoga/spiritual yogic process in depth and simply and information & a solution to all the humans mental & physical health problems, well being & aspects of life of a humans life please see Isha's+Sadhgurus & my youtube channel& 'the💖my YouTube PLAYLISTS💖 on my youTube channel; videos & Isha Foundations blog. "Shambhavi Mahamudra Kriya" is all one/a human needs to do for complete life ultimate health happiness & completeness.
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    Thank you very much for taking time to read .🌹🌛 Ravi bedia
     [email protected]

  • Reply Teertha Dahal April 21, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    Wow I love your speech sadhguru so change my way!

  • Reply blessedarethebroken August 5, 2018 at 5:39 pm

    ❤️

  • Reply Rosario Longoria August 6, 2018 at 1:50 pm

    Dear Sadhguru; one more time, your wisdom has touch my heart and this time also open my eyes and clear my mind.
    Thank you so much!!!🙏

  • Reply Shruti Rai August 6, 2018 at 11:26 pm

    Sadhguru is always logical!

  • Reply del1793 yretsym August 7, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    Thank You

  • Reply sakshi gupta August 7, 2018 at 2:20 pm

    He is the ultimate truth

  • Reply Dhanaraj Narayanan August 9, 2018 at 4:42 pm

    Satguru is saying Truth

  • Reply Shambhu Nath September 28, 2018 at 11:24 am

    this is my favourite video…

  • Reply Kelvin Beels November 23, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    Wow amazing video , hope i can think like this at some point in my life.

  • Reply angellove834 November 24, 2018 at 6:18 am

    What a man

  • Reply Lisa Quaye November 25, 2018 at 12:38 am

    And, I have never cared because at the end of the day, I do what I want

  • Reply Souvik Chakraborty December 8, 2018 at 5:36 am

    u r genius

  • Reply SUDHEER YADAV December 8, 2018 at 12:09 pm

    Awesome sppech❤️

  • Reply Resmi rs December 12, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    This information is very preciousthank you for this valuable words

  • Reply shaila ram December 14, 2018 at 8:30 am

    gr8

  • Reply Yash Lokhande December 16, 2018 at 2:06 pm

    The best lesson ever…. 😍

  • Reply 1983MAYAR December 16, 2018 at 3:17 pm

    Too good

  • Reply Hema Malini December 17, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    Thank you so much Sadhguru

  • Reply anci 65 December 17, 2018 at 9:51 pm

    So true…💜

  • Reply sreela mb December 31, 2018 at 3:24 pm

    Love you Sadhguru..😍😍.. thankyou for your words…

  • Reply mary A January 2, 2019 at 9:24 pm

    He is speaking the truth….I love him he a beautiful person!I am grateful to hear and see your video and appreciate your gift.Thank you!😊

  • Reply Cindy Lang January 2, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    Thank you from the heart that you share your deep wisdom so clearly with us

  • Reply Ayurveda Hellas January 3, 2019 at 12:40 am

    👍🌈🙏

  • Reply POULAMI MAITY January 3, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Yes…sadguru….you r right

  • Reply mendy Meshchaninov January 3, 2019 at 4:09 pm

    I love his airy effervescent chuckles

  • Reply Bala Potdar January 3, 2019 at 7:16 pm

    Love you

  • Reply PULKIT ARORA January 4, 2019 at 8:37 pm

    you pushed me towards ultimate reality from an illusory state
    thanks i am grateful to uh hoe

  • Reply Aanchal Jasta January 5, 2019 at 4:21 am

    Help in thinking differently

  • Reply Manu Murali January 11, 2019 at 2:03 am

    Iam Inner engineering student 1st year😁
    Living budha sadguru we are lucky to hav your words

  • Reply JustMe Shivoham January 17, 2019 at 11:20 am

    aumN…

  • Reply ahpn p January 18, 2019 at 10:02 am

    😀🙏

  • Reply vara lakshmi January 18, 2019 at 1:56 pm

    What u have said is absolutely right . This made me to find the solution and understand.

  • Reply Amabex Hernandez January 19, 2019 at 12:27 am

    One must be nice 👍🏼

  • Reply susan grace January 19, 2019 at 10:59 am

    Thankyou

  • Reply Priya Tripathi January 20, 2019 at 4:53 pm

    🙏

  • Reply Jesse Murtaugh January 23, 2019 at 7:11 am

    Thank you…..thank you

  • Reply shubs Sats January 24, 2019 at 1:19 pm

    Your wisdom amazes me everytime i see a vid..this is such an sensitive topic and no one could hav clarified it as beautiful as you did…thankyou!

  • Reply Andrea Gonzalez January 24, 2019 at 5:33 pm

    ❤️❤️❤️

  • Reply ivanichiva January 26, 2019 at 8:47 am

    brilliant!

  • Reply Ranjini Govindan January 27, 2019 at 12:34 pm

    You opened my eyes

  • Reply Mallappa Tevari January 27, 2019 at 2:37 pm

    Great advice

  • Reply Natasha Tuli February 4, 2019 at 11:02 am

    Outstanding. Bang on

  • Reply Ranjana Pandey February 5, 2019 at 11:26 am

    Deep insight into relationships

  • Reply Yogesh Sah February 5, 2019 at 12:45 pm

    This had to be heard.

  • Reply Jignesh Gaikwad February 6, 2019 at 1:26 pm

    He is awesome 🙏🙏

  • Reply Starseed 11:11 February 13, 2019 at 9:27 pm

    This is brilliant

  • Reply geetha priya February 18, 2019 at 4:36 pm

    Thank you sir.

  • Reply S Ghai February 24, 2019 at 9:37 am

    a relationship is a variable reality.

  • Reply Leena Panicker February 25, 2019 at 6:11 am

    EXACTLY

  • Reply Sumit Harley February 26, 2019 at 10:57 pm

    Superb 🙏🏻

  • Reply Bhavna Bp February 27, 2019 at 5:14 am

    Superb video Sadhguru. Related to my life. Keep sharing

  • Reply suraj punjabi March 5, 2019 at 2:23 am

    Why put ads in the middle of a deep talk? Judging from the mahashivratri celebrations u guys conducted last night, it doesnt seem like Isha foundation, or Sadhguru himself for that matter, lacks money.

  • Reply Raja Ram March 5, 2019 at 4:48 am

    Wow

  • Reply Aham Brahmasmi April 28, 2019 at 2:21 pm

    Thanku Sadhguru 😊😊😊

  • Reply English With Nuwan August 4, 2019 at 1:32 am

    Great

  • Reply lammeesa kc August 4, 2019 at 5:38 am

    😍😍

  • Reply Anil Kumar August 4, 2019 at 3:31 pm

    🙏

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