Articles, Blog

Enneagram #9 The Peacemaker

September 11, 2019

(lively music) – Hey guys, super excited to
wrap up our series called You and we saved the best for last, the nines, The Peacemaker and the reason that we
picked him to be last is ’cause we knew they
wouldn’t start a fight with us because we made them last. So we’re super grateful
for all our peacemakers in our church, man we’re
so grateful for you we love you so much. Look I’m gonna challenge you today, hopefully I’m gonna inspire you to be all that God is called you to be. But peacemakers are absolutely amazing. We’re gonna look at incredible
peacemaker in your Bibles. Let’s open your Bibles
up to Genesis chapter 18 verses 20 through 33. It’s interesting that
when God starts our faith he chooses a nine to begin with. Somebody who has a heart for peacemaking, who has a heart to
literally see both sides and just be an incredible
incredible person, but it takes an extraordinary person to negotiate peace with God and that’s where our story begins Genesis 18:20. It says, “So the Lord told Abraham, “I have heard a great outcry
from Sodom and Gomorrah, “because their sin is so flagrant.” Look the reality is Sodom and Gomorrah is probably the two most famous cities in the history of the world
for all the wrong reasons they did everything wrong were terrible terrible sinners so bad that it got the
attention of God in heaven and literally he’s gonna
come down and take a look to see if it’s as bad as he’s heard. And so here we have God
preventable looking at the city to see if he’s gonna de
strike it and destroy it and ultimately he does but he’s gonna send down
some representatives three angles to check
it out for themselves. So here we are in verse 21 God says, “I’m gonna go down and
see if their actions“ “are as wicked as I have heard. “If not, I want to know.” So he’s getting all these reports and God says I wanna see for myself what’s happening on earth. “The other men turned
and headed toward Sodom, “but the Lord remained with Abraham.” And here goes one of the most classic peace summits in the history of the world you think about what’s happening between the United States and North Korea and all the tenseness
really revolving around you know nuclear war or peace and this is basically
what’s happening here God’s gonna bring down nuclear
war on Sodom and Gomorrah and Abraham is interceding and he’s gonna try to talk God out of destroying the most wicked city on a wicked planet called earth. And so here’s where the story begins this is classic classic nine. Abraham approached him and said, “Will you sweep away both the
righteous and the wicked?” So he’s saying God are you
gonna kill you know everybody I mean surely not everybody in
Sodom and Gomorrah is wicked. And so listen what Abraham says, “Suppose you find 50 righteous people living there in the city.” Now we don’t know exactly how
many people lived in the city because it’s ultimately it’s destroyed but it’s a massive city it’s
two cities joined together and litearlly we’re
talking about thousands and thousands of people. And so Abraham says look are
you gonna kill everybody? I mean surely they’re not all bad apples. He says what if there’s
50 righteous people living in this city? “Surely you wouldn’t do such a thing, “destroying both the righteous
along with the wicked. “Why would you be treating
the righteous and the wicked “exactly the same. “Surely you wouldn’t do that. “Should not the Judge of all
the earth do what’s right?” So here Abraham is he’s
challenging the goodness of God and he’s saying look
no everybody can be bad they can’t all be bad apples and he’s trying to
negotiate a peace treaty between God the righteous and all mighty and the wicked city of Sodom. Here’s what’s amazing is God says the Lord replied, “If I find fifty righteous
people living in Sodom, “I will spare the entire
city for their sake.” So if there’s just 50 good apples amongst all the rotten
ones I won’t judge them. But here’s the problem
Sodom was pretty bad and so Abraham knows this so Abraham continues again. “Since I have begun, let me
speak further to my Lord, “even though I’m but dust and ashes. “Suppose there are only
forty-five righteous people “rather than fifty? “Will you destroy the whole
city for a lack of five?” And the Lord said, “I will.” And them Abraham pressed
his request further. “Suppose there are only forty?” And the Lord replied, “I will not destroy it for
the sake of forty people.” Forty people, he says, “Please don’t be angry my Lord.” Abraham pleaded. “Let me speak again, “suppose there are only
thirty righteous people “there to be found?” So we’ve gone from 50 to 45 to 40 now we’re skipping in
10 person increments. And the Lord replied, “I will not destory if
there’s only thirty people “in Sodom and Gomorrah.” And them Abraham said, “Since I have dared to speak to the Lord, “let me continue. “Suppose there are only And you gotta just start laughing now “Suppose there’s only twenty people?” And the Lord replied, “Then I will not destroy
it for the sake of twenty.” Finally Abraham said, “Lord, please don’t be angry with me “if I speak one more time. “Suppose there are ten
righteous people there?” And the Lord replied, “Then I will not destroy the
city for the sake of the ten.” “When the Lord had finished
his conversation with Abraham he went on his way and
Abraham returned to his tent.” Now we know from the
Bible and from history that there weren’t 10
righteous people in this city. And let me just say this you got to be really really
careful about the environment and the people that you
surround yourself with because a lot of people say
well I am going to be a witness to the unrighteous, I’m gonna be the good
person in the bad bunch but the Bible says that bad
company corrupts good character. And so here’s the reality, everybody was bad in Sodom and Gomorrah. Nobody was good there weren’t
even 10 righteous people in the entire city. Think about that that’s like 99.99999% of everybody was evil and awful, it was so bad when the Lord
sent his messengers to the city to see it for themselves the residents of the city
here’s what the Bible says, every grown men tried to rape the angels. Think about that that’s how bad it was all of the men in the city came
out to destroy God’s angels. But here’s Abraham trying
to negotiate a peace, trying to find a position to where he can avoid the conflict, avoid the destruction, and you have to see it
from Abraham point of view I mean surely God’s will is always no war. You know a lot of people say this war is never the answer and my response is well what’s the question. Sometimes war is the answer now we need to avoid it
at all cost but sometimes you know even God demands there’s war. So the peacemaker reflects God’s peace. These are beautiful
wonderful amazing people. The basic desire of the peacemaker is to be at peace, and write this down avoid conflict, okay to avoid conflict
and create a healthy space for people to thrive. Now my wife and I we’ve taken
the same test that you have and my wife’s nine score
is almost non existent and I have to pretend I have nine so that there’s some kind
of peace in our household. Both my wife and I like zero five and zero nines so what that means is we
don’t withhold any thought we share everything you know
that comes into our minds and we are ready to
scrap quicker than peace and so I’ve had to
manufacture a nine in my life to try to negotiate our marriage. So be thankful for nines man, nine are peacemakers they want everybody to get along, they want everybody to be okay they wanna create a healthy space where you can be you and you can thrive and you can be all that
God is created you to be, they’re wonderful beautiful amazing people and this is why God chose Abraham litearlly to begin his work because Abraham is going to
be able to see both sides. Now when healthy look at this when healthy nines, the peacemakers
they see multiple sides multiple sides to any given
decisions or scenario. So if you’re raising a nine you got a kid whose a nine they’re gonna say why I hear
what you’re saying mom or dad but have you thought about this? What about this perspective? Or what about that perspective? Nines are the least
judgmental personality type they can always find some good or almost always find some
good in somebody’s situation. I mean think about Abraham we’re talking about
Sodom and Gomorrah here the most evil city and the
most evil people of all time and Abraham’s like Lord maybe you God all mighty,
omniscient, all powerful, all knowing, maybe you’ve
overlooked 50, 45, 40, 30, 25, maybe you’ve overlooked
10 people and God says, “No, if there’s even 10 people
I won’t destory the city.” So healthy nines see multiple sides to any given decision or scenario. They can see it from multiple angles. Now think about it they
sit right next to the eight and here’s what’s so amazing they’re so close to the eight but they’re so far away right? The eights see one way, their
way or it’s the highway, the nine sees multiple
routes that can be taken and how we can all get to the same place. So here’s what’s amazing about the nines here’s what I love about ’em, they’re inclusive, they’re
great to be a part of the team. Healthy nines are fantastic
as ministers in our church or staff members in our church, when they’re healthy they
wanna be a part of a team, they want everybody to
get the credit right? They’re not all about themselves they’re about the team, they’re about moving the
ball forward together, they’re inclusive they’re
not gonna exclude anybody they wanna make sure
that everybody is a part everybody’s opinion is valued and everybody gets an
opportunity to contribute so they’re inclusive. Next they’re patient right? They’re patient and accepting of others man nines are great parents, right? You know when the rest of us wanna litearlly strangle our two year old nines are like well they’re
learning to find themselves and they’re sowing their
wild oats as a two year old the rest of us is like, no
that kid needs a beating. The nines are like, well
let’s give it a little time and let’s seat back and see what God does. They’re just so patient and so
amazing with the rest of us. So maybe the eight has
very little patience, the nine has litearlly just overflows with patience for people. So Abraham knows how evil you know the city of Sodom is but he’s like maybe if
we give ’em a chance they’ll get better. Literally maybe if we just you know God you go down and speak to them maybe they’ll repent and change. Here’s the next thing about nines here’s what I love about them nine are good listeners. Man if you wanna sit down
and be heard find a nine, they are great listeners
they care about your heart, they care about your feelings, they love your story, they’re fantastic fantastic listeners and that’s just how they’re so gifted. Like many of us you know I’m a three you know I have a hard time listening ’cause I know what we gotta do and I know where we gotta go right I got high on seven
I wanna go to have fun, you know I’m high eight so my idea’s better than yours anyway so let’s just move on, nine are beautiful they
wanna hear your story, they wanna come along side. So I’ve had to work at listening nine are just naturally gifted at it. They make great friends so when you’re hurt or you’re upset and you wanna share your feelings man they’re there to listen. Here’s what’s amazing they’re
great mediators, right? That’s what Abraham does. They’re a mediator, Christ is our mediator and so they try to bring
two conflicting people or situations together, they just are naturally
gifted at finding peace and what they can do is they
can see where two parties who are polarized where
both are right in an area and they can get them to
agree to a common ground or a common good. So if you’re a nine that’s
just a great great way you know you can be a marriage counselor or a mediator for a court and try to find you know a way for two hostile
parties to work together. If you have a child whose a nine and there’s multiple siblings, they’re always negotiating the peace. You know when the eights
wanna kill the threes or the threes wanna kill the eights you know the nine is trying
to find common ground. Absolutely fantastic. When healthy eights are considerate of the perspective of others. So last week we talked about the eight doesn’t see your perspective, doesn’t necessarily care
about your perspective because their perspective
is the right perspective and you need to get on board with that. The nine, they may not agree with you but they care about your perspective and they might be able to learn something or see it from your perspective and that’s just absolutely amazing. They care about your opinion, they care about your ideas, they care about your
contribution to the team and so they make sure that
you have room to be heard. Next, they desire to see the
world as a more peaceful place. And who doesn’t? I mean don’t we need peace? We need peace in the world we need it almost everywhere and so nines play an
important important role not only in the world but
listen to me in the church. The church is full of conflict, the church is full of division and we need nines to bring us together to remind us of our common cause, to remind us of our common purpose, and to remind us of our common Lord. And so nines are very very
wise and they’re so needed litearlly when some of us
are ready to get divorced, or ready to give up on our kids, or ready to leave the church, maybe you’re ready to quit your job or you’re just fed up with your own life a nine can help you to see the other side, they can help you see
something that you’re missing. And so nines are just great great people to bounce things off of. What do you think about this? Or if you’re trying to
figure out between A and B and you’re not sure the nine can litearlly help you come up with a list of
pros and cons for both and they’re fantastic fantastic that’s when they’re healthy. Now when a nine becomes unhealthy okay there’s a huge shift here. So when healthy they’re great friends, great mediators, great peacemakers. When they’re unhealthy they
will avoid conflict at all cost and you say what can
be so awful with that? Sometimes people need to be confronted. Like for example you can’t
negotiate peace with Adolf Hitler you can’t do it, the world tried and when they did that
millions of people died. And so there’s some times there’s evil there’s situations
where you can’t avoid it you have to have conflict. You know you can pray for
peace, you can hope for peace, you can work for peace but sometimes there has to be you know litearlly a
conflict you have to confront someone or some thing you can’t pray that it goes away and so they will avoid
conflict at all cost. And litearlly nines don’t
commit sins by doing things often times their sin
is not doing something. So they don’t get involved, they don’t participate, they walk away and because of that somebody gets beat up, hurt or is sinned against or is wronged. And so litearlly you know there’s two
types of sins in the Bible sins of commission that’s things we commit but then there’s sins of
omission, things we don’t do. And so if you’re a nine oftentimes nines believe
falsely that they’re good people and here’s why, because they haven’t done anything wrong. Okay, listen to me when you stand before God you’re not just gonna be held accountable for what you did do, you’re gonna be held accountable
for what you didn’t do. And so in the parable of the talents there’s three talents one with 10, five, and one with two. The one with two talents is judged because he buried his talent in the ground and did nothing with it. And God says you wicked and lazy servant. So you need to know I’ve
got to do something, I can’t just live my
life avoiding everything. I have to engage, I have to be active. Next when unhealthy a nine doesn’t declare their own needs. And this can be really frustrating
’cause you can ask a nine where do you wanna go to eat? And they say, I don’t care,
they do, they care, okay? They care. And if you’re not careful
what they’re gonna do is they’re gonna be upset with you because you never ask
where they want to go. So you have to say,
what are your thoughts, what are your needs, how do you care? When we sit around a
meeting at Sandals Church and I know there are nines present litearlly the eights are gonna
tell me what we should do, the threes are gonna tell
me how they’re right, the sevens wanna hurry up and wanna get done with the decisions so we can go have fun and do something you know
that they wanted to do, but the nines they’ll just sit there. And here’s the thing sometimes the nine has the best decision or the best idea but they won’t declare
it, they won’t say it, and because of that the church misses out, the group missed out, your family misses out, you miss out because the eights are always gonna think they know what to do and okay let’s be fair,
they’re usually right but man those gems, those great
ideas, those great thoughts oftentimes come from the nine. So with a nine if you’re married to a nine you have to say how
are you really feeling, are those really your toughs, and you have to create a safe place because they won’t tell you, they won’t tell you, they
want you to read their mind they want you to know them, they want you to understand
you know how you should act and they won’t declare it
and that creates conflict because here’s the thing none of us knows how anyone
feels until they share it. So a nine won’t declare their own needs so here’s the thing when they don’t declare their own needs and they’re unhealthy they become write this
down passive-aggressive. So a nine’s never gonna
punch you in the face they’re gonna do it like you
know through the internet or through a story or some way, they’re gonna get at you in
a passive-aggressive way. So they’ll smile yea that’s
the greatest idea ever but when they’re unhealthy
they’re gonna get you later, they’re gonna strike when nobody’s looking and so you have to be very very careful. So especially if you’re an eight and you’re married to a nine so you’re always dominating,
you’re always in control and the nine’s just
going along with the ride sooner or later here’s what happens the nine is going to strike back, be upset and so here’s what
happens if you’re a nine you don’t share, you don’t share, you don’t share, you don’t share, and then when you do share you’re done. You’re done because you’ve never declared, you’ve never said I don’t
like this, I don’t like that, I don’t wanna go there, and by the time you get to the place where you can’t withhold it anymore the relationship’s so
broken, it’s so messed up there’s no hope. So you have to declare you have to say here’s how I feel and just so you know
you’re not gonna want to because sharing how you feel
oftentimes leads to conflict. So when unhealthy the
nine can become stubborn. I want you to think of the
nine as an elephant, right? When an elephant is
motivated they’re powerful now they’re never gonna
be a sprinter okay? Elephants don’t sprint but when they move they’re
very very powerful. When a nine is healthy
they can do great things litearlly they can move obstacles that you never thought could be moved. But let me tell you something elephant if it sits and it doesn’t want to move it won’t move. And here’s the thing with nines they can be powerful at going nowhere. And so here’s the thing
if a nine’s unhealthy they’ll tell you yea, yea, yea, I’ll do that, I’ll go
there, we can do that and then they will sit and they won’t go and you’ll be totally frustrated because you’re like I don’t understand. A nine lies not because they’re a liar but they lie because
they don’t want conflict. So they’ll tell you yes I’ll do that, yes I think we should do that, yes I think we should go there, yes I think that’s a good idea but you can always tell
what a nine really things by what they’re doing. So if they’re sitting and they refuse to move and here’s what the nine says the nine they’re just gonna outlast you they’re gonna outlast you think about it if you pull as hard as you can I don’t care if you’re an eight pull on an elephant, try
to make an elephant go get behind it, push it, tug it, do whatever it takes
man with all your power and unhealthy eight or an
unhealthy nine can sit forever and they can outlast you and that’s what they do
when they’re unhealthy so just know that. So here’s their core sin and here’s why it’s so
powerful for the nine and their ability to sit
and not do something. Their core sin is laziness, okay? Now some of you are offended by that and let me just tell you this if you’re not offended by
the core sin it’s not yours you just gotta know that, if it doesn’t rub you the
wrong way it’s not your sin. All of this sins when mentioned if it’s you, you don’t like it. So the core sin is laziness now nines can be productive, they can exercise, eat well
and do all those things and so you might say I don’t see where laziness
shows up in my life. So for some nines it’s very very easy you’re a couch potato, you don’t exercise, you don’t take care of your body, you don’t have a high drive,
you don’t have a high motor, you’re like yea that’s me. I litearlly my best day is doing nothing you know you’re Jim Gaffigan one of my favorite comics
you know clearly a nine and he’s made a lot of money
doing nothing but he’s funny but that might be hard
for you to identify with so let me give you a couple
of words that maybe help you to identify how laziness
affects in your life. The core sin of laziness is
manifested through indecision, I just don’t know what I should do so I’m not gonna do anything, okay? And indecision can litearlly
lead to paralization, you can become paralyzed and that’s what happens to a nine is they don’t know what to do so they don’t do anything. I don’t know what I should do for a career so I won’t have a career. I don’t know what major
I should pick in college so I won’t graduate from college. I don’t know who I should
date so I won’t date. And that’s litearlly what can happen and you just stop, remember
the sitting elephant you stop and you don’t do anything. So that’s indecision. Next is inaction they’re just not gonna do it so there’s where laziness comes. You know what you should
do but you don’t do it. You have a list of 10 things you should do and you’re just like no,
I’m not gonna do that I’m not going to take action on that. And so that’s how it
manifests in your life somebody can tell you you should eat better and
you’re like yeah, but you don’t. You should work out. Yeah, but you don’t. You should try this. Yeah, but you don’t right? You should pray more, you
should read your Bible more, and you just don’t do it you don’t take action on
what you know you should do. So that’s one of the ways laziness and next is procrastination. Now all of us probably
procrastinate a little but the nine are great they will come up with
litearlly a thousand things that they need to do to not do what they know they should do. And so that’s how laziness is you’re gonna litearlly
do all kinds of things and avoid the one thing. So like if a nine has a term paper due they’re gonna clean their dorm room, they’re gonna make sure that they talk to that friend they never talk to, they’re gonna do all kinds of things to avoid the one thing
they’re supposed to be doing. So the core sin of laziness not doing the important
or necessary things required for growth. Look relationships are hard you have to work through
it to require growth. You know studying your Bible is hard but that’s what it takes to grow. All kinds of things you need to do to grow and the nine will not
do what they need to do but oftentimes they will
focus on what they want, but what you want is not always healthy. So here’s the beauty of
the healthy peacemaker. A healthy peacemaker is always in pursuit of embracing conflict. Look you’re never gonna
love it and that’s okay. I don’t particularly love conflict I’m not a high high eight but you have to embrace it. Sometimes you have to have
conflict to work it out so if you never have
conflict in your marriage and so a lot of nines will say well we never fight about anything and then all of a sudden
15, 20 years later they’ll just say this, we just grew apart. Well the reason you grew apart is because you were
never willing to engage and have the though conversations to declare what you like or how you feel. So a healthy peacemaker
is always in pursuit of embracing healthy conflict. So you have to ask yourself okay I don’t wanna do this
’cause it’s gonna lead to a fight it’s gonna lead to conflict but is this gonna lead
to a positive outcome? Next they have to declare
their wants and their needs as a mean of deeper connection
with themselves and others. People can’t love you if they don’t know you, and the primary way we get to know you is when you declare things. Here’s how I think, here’s how I feel, here’s what I want, so especially if you have multiple kids and you have a child that’s a nine they’re never gonna say what
their favorite ice cream is they’re just gonna eat
what everybody else wants, they’re just gonna do
what everybody else does and that’s not good for life because God’s created
you even if you’re a nine as an individual you have your own likes,
your own dislikes, you have your own needs, your own wants, your own desires, and you’ve got to learn to declare that because a nine can just
slip in with other people and never be who God’s called him to be. So a healthy peacemaker
is always in pursuit and embracing conflict and declaring their wants and needs as a mean of deeper connection. So let’s talk about that
in regards to Abraham, so Abraham is this great peacemaker right? So it’s always a good thing. No, it’s not always a good thing. So Abraham has two wives, Sarah his first wife and Hagar a servant that he eventually
takes on as a concubine but she gets pregnant
with a son named Ishmael and so there’s conflict
between Sarah and Hagar. And so here’s what Sarah says I want you to get rid of
Hagar and your son Ishmael. Now here’s what a healthy nine would do, you know Sarah I can understand
how you want me to do this but you’re the one that asked
me to have a child with Hagar. Right, but a nine’s not gonna do that they’re not gonna be declarative and here’s what Abraham doesn’t do he doesn’t say I really really
care for my son Ishmael, he matters to me, I love him, I care for him deeply. He never declares his needs and so to maintain the peace in his home here’s what he does, he sentences Hagar and Ishmael to death. That’s what he does because he can’t declare his own needs. Another time he has
conflict with nephew Lot and so here he is he’s brought Lot along Lot has no money, no influence, no power underneath Abraham leadership
Lot grows in wealth, Lot grows in power, Lot
grows in all kinds of ways but their work people their
heard men start fighting and there’s conflict and so
here’s what Abraham says, man I don’t wanna fight he says I want you to chose if you chose the left
I’ll chose the right, if you chose the right
I’ll chose the left. Abraham says wherever you go I won’t go and ultimately that leads to
the doom of Lot and his family because Abraham doesn’t
confront his spoiled nephew and say this is a problem listen to me you little sucker I’ve given you everything you have and you’re a spoiled brat and
now it’s time to listen to me. He doesn’t do that and
Lot’s constantly in trouble and litearlly listen to me nines because he doesn’t confront Lot Lot litearlly is cursed for generations because he doesn’t have an
uncle that speaks into his life. And so if you’re a nine you’re not gonna wanna speak
into your nephew’s life, you’re not gonna wanna
declare to your sons or your daughters ’cause you
don’t wanna cause conflict you don’t wanna ruffle the feathers but if you don’t do that you are creating a disaster for the future of the
people that you love. Listen to me it’s not
easy to confront your kids but you need to because you need to raise your kids to be able to be good,
moral, right, and true and the only way that’s gonna happen is not if you sit back and
say well it’s up to God. God is placed you in charge and you have to step in and say here look you blew it and I don’t want to have this conversation I mean I wish we could just
have fun have a good time but you’re screwing up and you gotta speak into their life. So just know Abraham’s intent as a nine was not to harm Hagar and Ishmael, it wasn’t to harm Lot, his
wife and all their kids, but ultimately his desire for peace trumped his desire for
what’s good, right and true. And the nine has to
talk about what’s moral, good, right and true over what’s peaceful because peace is not always the best thing especially when it negatively affects the people that God loves and cares about and that includes you and
your family your friends and most importantly your church. So the nine has to be declarative. So how does the nine
needs to be real with self this is the big big
deal so write this down, a nine needs to own and
resolve their own feelings. Here’s the thing about a nine you’re so good at listening
to everybody else soul you forget you have a soul. You’re so good at listening
to everybody else’s feelings you forget your feelings. The reason nines don’t
declare how they feel is they’re so busy trying to maintain peace
between everybody else they’re not thinking how
is this making me feel, what are my thoughts on this, what are my feelings on this, they’re trying to resolve
everybody else’s feelings they negate their own feelings. So you have to own and
resolve your own feelings look people can’t know you and love you until you own feelings and
you declare them and you say here’s how I feel,
here’s what I’m thinking, man this really made me upset, this really hurt my feelings. And again, if you’re a nine and you’re married to
someone whose not a nine you just have to say this is really hard for me, I don’t wanna do this
but this is for the best and I’m going to declare
what I feel and think and whats going on in my mind. Next, right I feel like
I’m just repeating myself but real with others so not only do you have to own your needs and feelings you have to make declarative statements. I don’t like that, I don’t agree, I think we should go left and not right. I think you’re wrong, I think he’s right. Declarative statements are
statements that are clear they’re not wishy washy, it’s not well I can’t see both sides it’s making a statement that everybody else understands you’re on one side or the other, you have this feeling or not this feeling, you either agree or you disagree, you can’t leave any gray area the nine lives in the gray
which is great for you but it drives the rest of us crazy so just say what you feel, just say what you think. And that’s important in being a Christian, and being a child of God,
and being a mature adult here’s what I think. So you gotta make a declarative statement and embrace that conflict
isn’t necessarily bad. It’s not always bad and that their involvement can actually lead to the resolution. Here’s why we need nines involved you’re going to bring about the peace but you can’t pretend that
there’s not a conflict for there to be peace. And so you know in small group when conversations get awkward and weird or heated or whatever that’s when the nine needs to be active and typically what you do
is you go hide in your shell like you’re a turtle and you just disappear
until the smoke clears and then you come out that’s when you need to be involved. We don’t want the eights to resolve it, we don’t want the threes to resolve it we want the nines to
speak and be declarative and help bring healing to the group. And the problem is the
people we need the most speak up the least and that’s a huge huge challenge. So how to be real with God. Next you got to pursue faith with action. Please people are not wanna
be real with you about this but laziness is a real
thing, it’s a real sin. Okay it is, it affects you. Look maybe God gave you a slow motor, that’s fine be an elephant so what that means when you
move you gotta be powerful but you have to pursue faith with action you have to actually do something God doesn’t just want you to think, reflect or be a yoga instructor right, nine are super spiritual and oftentimes they
can mask their inaction with spiritual language. So you can feel like their doing something but they’re not doing something so you’ve got to actually
have faith and action. So nines you can’t think something, you can feel something,
you can believe something but you need to do something. So pursue faith with action. The Bible says this, Romans 12:11 “Never be lazy, “but work hard and serve
the Lord enthusiastically.” Serve the Lord enthusiastically, use your gifts for the glory of God. Again, you don’t have to be a sprinter but you do need to move. You need to move for God and you need to work for God. You can’t just sit back and
let everybody else do it ’cause the nines you gotta watch that you will work yourself out of everything and have everybody else doing it, so you’ve got to make
sure that you are serving you are doing something. So if you have a nine in your life let me give you some just helpful hints as how to love them and
how to care for them. Number one this is huge, create and environment where their voice is heard and it matters. A nine is not gonna wanna speak up and let me tell you something if they do speak up and you
shut it down and you slam it guess what, they are never going to be
honest with you again ever. So you gotta create an
environment where you say hey your opinion matters. Literally when we’re
having a staff meeting and I know there are nines present I’ll say we’ve heard from everyone else now nines I need you to speak up. And seriously you’ll
make them panic just say hey guys I know the nines
aren’t gonna share anything at the end of the meeting I’m gonna ask the nines specifically to make declarative statements
about what they thought and that they’re freaking out but I’m gonna wanna hear from them because again, the threes and the eights and the sevens and some
of the more boisterous you know personalities
they’re gonna take control and we need to hear the nines to make sure we don’t miss something. So create and environment. So if you have a bunch of
kids and you have a nine you gotta make the
other kids stop, listen, and let’s respect while the
nine in our family speaks up because they matter and we care about them and we wanna create an environment where their voice is heard. So let me just say this if you’re a nine and you grew up in a home
where your voice didn’t matter and when you spoke up it was squashed, look I’m sorry that happened we need to come alongside to help you grow to create environments where you are heard and your voice does matter. And again, personalities like mine we’re overwhelming we tend to squash I guess and so just let me say I’m sorry and I apologize for that. You do matter to God and to us and we’re working at Sandals
to create an environment where we hear from you
because we need you. So next, don’t shield
me from all conflict. So if you’re married to a nine you can litearlly block
all conflict from them and you’re not doing them a favor. Listen there’s conflict in life and conflict brings growth. So you know if you become codependent and your blocking your
spouse or your child from every single difficult
thing or from every conflict you’re not helping them,
you’re hurting them and just like Lot right? Eventually guess what happens? His wife dies, his life is a disaster read about what happens to him. Abraham should have spoken the truth not block conflict and just said look your people are just as responsible as my people for this conflict let’s sit down and figure a solution out that doesn’t involve
breaking up the family because that was the solution
ultimately that they came to. So don’t shield me this is how you love a nine from all conflict but encourage
me to actively engage. Number three, the next thing we need to do is celebrate with me as a
nine when I finish projects. Okay it’s very difficult for
nines to finish projects. Nines and here’s a classic nine they will be working on 50 things and finishing zero things, so when they finish
something a term paper, a dissertation, a job, a project, something that you’ve asked them to do you need to celebrate that because it’s not unlike nines
to say I’m gonna get to it, I’m gonna get to it, I’m gonna get to it, I’m gonna get to it,
and they never get to it and it doesn’t mean they’re lying they have the intent to get to it in their mind they believe
they are gonna get to that but there’s so many other
things that are in the way. So celebrate with them
when they finish something make a big deal on it, don’t put them down well it’s about time you finish something. Celebrate them and encourage them right? I’m mean human beings
we love to be rewarded when we do good things and so just say man that’s
great you finished that project. It’s great like a nine if you raise a kid they’re not gonna wanna
finish the baseball season, they’re not gonna wanna
finish the soccer season, so celebrate it don’t
make them sign up again but celebrate them when
they survive a season or they get through a difficult situation. It’s really really important because people who can’t finish projects don’t finish life well and so we need to encourage that. Next, don’t push nines to sprint. Right, like if you’re raising a nine maybe the track team isn’t for them I’m just saying that’s not
sport to involve them in. Now that’s not to say they
don’t need to be active, they don’t need to do something. We told our kids you’re
gonna do something active ’cause we’re not raising couch potatoes we’re raising kids for Christ and so you gotta do something. You pick what it is and I told my kids this
is you pick or I pick? And so a couple of my kids
didn’t pick, so we picked. So pick something but don’t
push them to be sprinters especially if you’re a three, I’m a three. Look here’s what I do on
my time off, the Iron Man that’s what I do in my time off. Nines probably not gonna do that you know they find watching
an Iron Man exhausting. So just know they gotta find something. So if you’re married to a nine
and you wanna run together maybe walk together, or maybe you run at a
different pace together but that’s gonna create conflict because they just go at a different pace and that’s fine. And just remember the old saying the tortoise and the hare right? The hare sprints but the tortoise is gonna finish. And just know we gotta encourage the nines are in life like
the tortoise to finish. Next, this is huge, thank me as a nine for my gift to see the other side of things. I cannot tell you how much we need that wisdom in our world. You know oftentimes think
about the racial issue and the racial divide, nines are great at seeing
the perspective of blacks and seeing the perspective of whites and bringing us together. Seeing the perspective of men and seeing the perspective of women, seeing the perspective of
parents and kids, right? Republicans and Democrats this is a skill we need and so we need to thank
them for their ability to see multiple sides of the same thing because a lot of us see in black and white and nines their beauty is
they can see in the gray. And so again, help nines
help you to see both sides. Listen I love you as nines, I care for you I want you to be declarative and I want yo to get
some stuff done in life. God has called you There’s reason he chose Abraham because Abraham could get things done but when you read his story he kind of gets stuck at certain places and he has a hard hard
time being declarative. And just know your laziness, not declaring litearlly can be terrible
for the people that you love and I want you to be able to declare and be truthful and clear about what it is that God’s calling you to be clear about. So let’s close in prayer I got a prayer her for the nines. Let’s bow our heads and close our eyes. “Lord help me to trust you
in the midst of conflict. “Help me to know my feelings
and share them with others. “Strengthen my will to
do what I want to do, “not what I want to do,
but what I need to do. “Help me to share the spiritual depth “that you have blessed me with.” Heavenly Father we’re
so thankful for nines God they’re such amazing
people, peaceful people. Lord they’re spiritual
gurus with such wisdom. God I pray that their wisdom
would be matched with action I pray this in Jesus name. Amen.

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  • Reply Rachel Fagan May 29, 2019 at 4:06 am


  • Reply alexandre gauvin June 19, 2019 at 10:20 am

    Why did you have to put religion in something so universal and scientific!

  • Reply Monster July 3, 2019 at 11:20 am

    What if?I thought the guy is omniscient

  • Reply Adam Roe July 14, 2019 at 12:43 am

    I'm a 9 who joined the Marines to learn how to be more direct. I'm now in the Air Force, and I've learned a few things. First, if you're a nine, being surrounded by 3's and 8's is the best thing you can do. You will be forced to find your voice, and you will learn to deal with conflict. Second, moving toward the positive side of the 3 is the best thing you can do to maximize your own abilities. I'm a chaplain who has been forced to find my voice in preaching, counseling, and in leading. Finally, build healthy stressors into your life. Set a goal and be OK with the discomfort of it. That's where growth happens, and it's where you find real peace.

  • Reply Germae Anne July 24, 2019 at 8:46 am

    18:58 "And here's the thing with nines, they can be powerful at going nowhere"

    I felt that HARD .

  • Reply Germae Anne July 24, 2019 at 8:47 am

    "Their core sin is laziness"


  • Reply Macy Joy August 8, 2019 at 11:31 pm

    I’m a 9 but I’m not terrified of confrontation like they always make out

  • Reply Autumn Grace August 16, 2019 at 5:55 am

    This is dangerous. Go learn the roots of Enneagrams. Just because Bible verse is included doesn't make it ok. Satan knows how to use it. Wake up! Live for Jesus, not your personality! Stay with the Word only!

  • Reply Jess Lea August 16, 2019 at 10:45 pm

    You legit look identical to Kevin Bacon

  • Reply RiceKrispy August 17, 2019 at 4:48 pm

    Oi I officially know what it’s like to feel TOO SEEN. But this was also so encouraging and wow I’m suddenly so thankful God gave me the gift of being a 9. Thank you for this.

  • Reply 78Point26 August 18, 2019 at 1:51 am

    After watching all nine videos, I think that I would probably be a combination of 5, 1 and 9. May have to actually take a test to verify this.

  • Reply Tab Liechty August 19, 2019 at 12:18 am

    Perhaps it would be a good idea to find out where this number system came from. It sure was not from Father. Wake up, be sober. Prayers brothers. Just abide , this enneagram teaching is not for followers of Christ.

  • Reply fuzzychewbacca August 21, 2019 at 4:27 am

    9w8 here, I’m not religious but I enjoyed the video. Thanks for the open minded speaking and passion man.

  • Reply ilseehz August 21, 2019 at 5:28 am

    I've never understood myself more than when I watched this video! It confronted me but im TOTALLY OK with it as it turns into an opportunity for the Lord to work on me.

  • Reply Dave Ramos August 23, 2019 at 5:57 am

    So encouraging. Thanks

  • Reply Sarah Schroeder August 30, 2019 at 3:21 pm

    ??We chose 9 last cuz we know they won't start a fight with us

  • Reply Sarah Schroeder August 30, 2019 at 3:42 pm

    I'm a 9 with a 2 year old now ??‍♀️

  • Reply Sarah Schroeder August 30, 2019 at 3:46 pm

    My sin is a sin of omission 4 sure

  • Reply E Lo September 3, 2019 at 2:03 pm

    "Nuclear" is pronounced Noo-clee-ar, not Noo-cyoo-lar.

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