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Dictionary of Narcissism (9 Essential Traits)

October 20, 2019

This particular person feels like they deserve
a little more attention than the rest of us, and we are going to grant them that precious
narcissistic supply, right away. This is your host Amanda
and today we’re exploring the fascinating world of narcissistic personality disorder. Contrary to what we might wrongfully believe,
narcissists are not in love with themselves. According to the Greek myth of Narcissus,
we know this character fell in love with his own reflection in the water. This is an important distinction that people
seem to misunderstand, leading to a common misconception. The metaphor of Narcissus’ reflection in the
water refers to people’s availability to validate him. In other words, narcissists’ identity is poorly
delineated and their goals are exclusively set with reference to the other people, with
the intention of impressing them and getting their approval. Without it, well, a narcissist has a SERIOUS
problem and there’s no telling what would happen. Nevertheless, narcissists lack of empathy
hinders their understanding of other people’s feelings, so their relationships will be marked
by a profound superficiality. In fact, for them, the other people are nothing
more than objects which help them look good, in order to win the approval they yearn for. An awfully defective mechanism of orientation
like this, determines a conflictual and labile nature in which grandiosity and attention
seeking are dominant features. Here’s a dictionary of terms, designed to
support a better understanding of this personality disorder: The False Self is a defense mechanism, which
consists in a deceitful but amazing story, which a narcissist makes up and expects the
people around them to believe, and even play a role in it. This process is needed in order to compensate
for the narcissist’s inner emptiness and the lack of an adequately delineated identity. Thus, the narcissist becomes a sect leader
who, supposedly, has supernatural powers and always receives validation from those around
them. Their False Self, just like a policeman, will
take care that the rest of us recognize narcissist’s supposed merits and will react aggressively
if this is not going to happen according to narcissist’s expectations. The fear of intimacy is another definitory
element of this personality disorder, which a narcissist uses in order to prevent the
nightmarish possibility that others might realize who he or she really is, and, as a
consequence, they might quit appreciating the narcissist according to their expectations. In the intimacy, the narcissist would remain
just a simple human being and moreover, one with a pretty consistent amount of flaws. They can’t risk something like that. .
Narcissistic supply is narcissist’s meaning of life and of course, comes from the people
around them, that should adapt to their needs. In a rather desperate fashion, a narcissist
takes care that everybody grants them the validation they yearn for, just like a junkie. Everything is fine as long as they receive
their precious dose of recognition but when the validating behavior stops, a whole new
story takes place: they turn into a vengeful and merciless hero and they will make sure
everyone gets “what they deserve” for telling them “no”. The pathological narcissistic space refers
to the group of people who gravitate around the narcissist. Their fan base represents the objective proof
of their personal grandiosity and there, the narcissist has the role of the great spiritual
leader, a guru enlightened by divine inspiration. The group that forms the pathological space
will share their beliefs and will grant them, at any time, the recognition they need. The grandiosity gap exists because between
the false self and the reality there is this huge and dangerous distance. The greatest and constant fear of a narcissist
is that, when they least expects, they will reveal themselves in a less than perfect light. This will always keep them under pressure,
complaining, threatening, insulting or preparing for attentively mastered revenge. Approach – avoidance cycle. The cycle describes the evolution of a narcissist’s
relationships between idealization and deprecation. Their approaching is, at some point, followed
by withdrawal because of their terrible fear of coming across less than perfect. Thus, their relationships become a torture,
a long line of brutal experiments. The narcissist is not the right choice for
a relationship in which the emotional stability is a major concern. The magical thinking – refers to the act of
self deception and it is expressed through a host of lies and wrong ideas about success
and recognition which the narcissist is so fond of. They live in an aristocratic world and they
don’t understand meritocracy. In their little pink universe they deserve
the best things as their birthright. There’s no place for responsibility here,
for merit or talent, let alone effort. Peter pan syndrome – The childlike demeanor
represents one of the two masks a narcissist wears out of fear of intimacy. The other one is that of the sect leader which
we previously mentioned. Sometimes, due to their lack of confidence
and because of their poor emotional skills, the Narcissist has the possibility to revive
their inner child and live their childhood again and again. Thus, they own an excellent cover and they’re
able to avoid tough social roles which involve responsibility and effort. Narcissistic compulsion is a term which refers
to the desperate efforts made by the narcissist for the only reason of creating a solid impression
around them, a legend, we might say, unfortunately a fake one, most of the times. Therefore, the narcissist is a people junky
and they can be socially useful, through education and the influence of a good social environment,
but the key to understanding their goals might surprise you: they just want to get their
daily dose of narcissistic supply.

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