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10 Secrets of the INFJ Personality Type

October 9, 2019


– What up everybody? It’s your girl FJ. Today we’re gonna talk about the secrets of the INFJ personality type. Oh my gosh. What are these secrets? Could the secret be, I say I’m a vegan but actually
I had a Wendy’s burger today. Could the secret be, I actually like Nickleback? Well, today we’re gonna find out, what are the secrets of the INFJ? We’re gonna be looking at an
article of introvertdear.com. Written by Jenn Granneman. It’s called the 10 str– (grunts) It’s called the ’10 Secrets of the INFJ, The Rarest Personality Type In The World’. Let’s see what Jenn has to say. INFJs are on a different wavelength. This is because we’re so intuitive and we have dominant
introverted intuition. It gives us kind of a sixth sense that is difficult to explain to others. I agree with this point on the list, that yeah, INFJs are definitely
on a different wavelength than most people. I will say though that a lot of people are
on different wavelengths. There’s like a whole
spectrum of wavelengths that people can be on. Do INFJs generally feel more
isolated than other types? Perhaps. Perhaps having a dominant
introverted intuition makes them feel like
they can’t relate as much to other people but let’s not go all in on this. Let’s not go too heavily on this feeling of being
on a different wavelength because yeah, INFJs are
on a different wavelength but it’s not that far from everyone else. There’s not a deep chasm. Number two, INFJs are
highly perceptive of others. Now, the reason this is is because we have extroverted feeling, which means that we’re always
looking out at other people to see what they’re
feeling about something. And that’s not just emotions, okay? That’s also like, what do you like? What do you dislike? What value do you place on things? And so, it’s just a natural way of being for an INFJ to constantly be trying to pick apart what’s goin’
on in everyone else’s head. I agree with this. We’re highly perceptive of other people. Number three, INFJs absorb
other people’s emotions. Now, watch out for this one. Watch out playa’ because the thing is yeah, INFJs can absorb
other people’s emotions. What that means basically is, if you are sittin’ with someone
and they are feelin’ sad, you’ll start to feel sad too. If they’re feelin’ happy, you will start to feel
happy along with them. Extroverted feeling makes it so that emotion is kind of like a shared thing. Your feelings are not quite as personal as they might be to someone
who has introverted feeling but but but but let’s get something straight here. Anyone could really be swayed
by someone else’s emotions, could absorb other people’s emotions. It’s just a human thing and I think it’s not so much that it’s a special thing
that only INFJs can do but I think it’s a thing that
sensitive people will do. They’ll absorb other people’s emotions. It’s something that people
with high levels of empathy, sometimes called empaths, will do and perhaps many, maybe all,
INFJs fit those specifications but it’s not exclusive to this type, so I just wanna make that clear that just because you absorb
other people’s emotions, it means that you’re a
very perceptive person who’s very sensitive. It doesn’t necessarily
mean that you are this type but yes, it is one of
the secrets of the INFJ. I feel whatever you’re feeling right now. What are you feeling? I feel whatever you feel right now. Number four, they have amazing long
range forecasting abilities, like is it gonna snow next winter? We’ll see. Let’s ask the INFJ in the room. So, what this is is introverted intuition and I want you to think of, let’s just, what is, (blows raspberry) (laughs) What is intuition? Intuition is looking
at the abstract, right? And it is looking into the future. It basically is a forecast. It’s guessing into the future about what’s gonna happen next. It’s looking at a pattern. Oh, I’ve seen what’s happened now and now I can project into the future and see what’s gonna
happen next based on that. Now, the introverted
intuition is very narrowed in and it’s just gonna see like, what is this one pathway we can go along, based on this one pattern I see? This is actually a very true one. They will have the ability
to look long range, depending on if they care, like if an INFJ cares
about a specific pattern enough to really hone in on it, yeah, then they can tell you, 10 years from now, what’s gonna happen but they’re not necessarily gonna know everything about everything. You know what I’m sayin’? Here’s the other part of that. They’re not necessarily gonna be right. An INFJ, like myself, I can say, yeah, I can see what’s
coming down the road but it’s not necessarily 100% correct. It’s just what I do. That’s just where I live. I’m thinking 10 years down
the road what’s gonna happen. I’ll tell you, it’s a heck
of a way to do anything. Like when you’re dating,
you’re thinking to yourself, what is it gonna be like
when we’re 50 years old and our kids are in
high school and college? How are we gonna get along then? Are we gonna have the same interests? Are we gonna wanna retire in
the same way once we hit 70? Am I gonna be able to retire? Is the social security system
going to hold up that long? Probably not. Amazing forecasting abilities. And it’s a double edged sword because when you’re just thinking
in the future all the time INFJs, what’s gonna happen is you’re gonna have a bunch
of anxiety all the time because you’re not living in the present, you’re looking in the future and you’re gonna think you’re right about everything that you
forecast in the future, which you’re not going to be but you’re gonna think
you’re gonna be right and so, you’re just going to
cut off a lot of opportunities before you even allow them to manifest and you’re gonna really become
limited and super controlling and only allow a certainly amount of stuff to go on in your life because you see something else that’s a little bit
outside of the norm for you and you project way into the future and you’re like, nah, I
don’t see that working out, I don’t like it and you just pass off on it and you stay on your little tunnel vision, your NI tunnel vision. My advice, to myself, I’m really just saying
this for myself (laughs) and to all the INFJs in there is try some new stuff. Don’t just go whole hog in, is that even the right term to use? The termage. Don’t just go all in, put all the chips on the NI and think that you know
everything that’s gonna happen because you don’t. Try some new stuff. Try some new experience. Try not to forecast 10
years down the road. Try it out. You might be surprised. Your life might open up in
ways you never expected. Wow, that was like an
inspirational speech. I feel like the best way
to cap that off is to say, would YouTube, not you,
but what would (laughs) Oh my gosh. Would YouTube like to show
a commercial right now? Number five, INFJs are both
emotional and rational. Now look, let’s get real. Everyone is emotional and rational but the thing about INFJs, well, really any IJ or any EP really, but let’s not try to make
us feel totally not special but INFJs, yes, feeling and
thinking are very balanced. We have extroverted feeling. It’s out there makin’
sure everyone is happy, everyone’s havin’ a good time, makin’ sure that everyone
likes what’s going on. Then we have introverted thinking, which is really narrowing
down what do I think is true? What do I think works? What do I think is rational? I don’t care what other people think. I just wanna know for myself,
what is logical and rational. And we’re pretty balanced
with those two things. We can go back and forth between, oh my gosh, is everybody happy? And then going back in to
ourselves and being like, does this make sense to me? You see what I’m saying? So yeah, we are very balanced. This is true. This point is very true. Number six, ooh, creators of deep emotional intimacy. So, from my perspective,
INFJs have a tendency to, just speaking from my own experience, have a tendency to be the kind of people who can just instantly
open up to strangers and get strangers to
instantly open up to them. It’s kind of weird. Now, that’s not exactly, now that I re-read this, that not exactly what this point is saying but we can create kind of a
quick intimacy with people because extroverted feeling, this is something I’ve been
thinking about for awhile, extroverted feeling kind of looks at the, at social interactions and sharing kind of an emotional bond, almost like a game. It’s this thing external to us. It’s not extremely
personal and so it doesn’t, I mean, look, we’ll still have
issues with social anxiety, with feeling like, oh my gosh,
what do people think about me but at the same time, we know the game. We understand the game that’s going on and so we can be like really quickly establishing
a rapport with people and feeling confident
enough to go in there and tell people stuff about ourselves and to get information out
of other people about them that maybe is not normal for
that level of knowing someone. You know what I mean? Taking that even further, when you actually know
someone really well, an INFJ’s gonna be really good at just navigating another person and finding all the
ways to connect deeply. It’s really a great strength to have. And I know a lot of us are, well, here’s, let me just get to the next point. I was about to go in
this direction anyway. Let’s go here. Number seven, they’re true introverts. Now, I disagree a little bit with this. So, in the article here it
says, INFJs are sometimes called extroverted introverts or ambiverts. However, INFJs are true introverts who prefer a small circle of friends and need plenty of down time to recharge. Well look, INFJs can be
on a spectrum, right? Some can be very shy, others can be very extroverted. There’s no one answer to it but, on the other hand, the fact that we have
introverted intuition as the dominant function, it’s an introverted function. It means we really just
prefer doodlin’ around in our brain most of the time rather than bouncing
off the outside world. Now, if you’re FE, if you’re extroverted feeling
is gettin’ a good workout, then yeah, you can look
like a total extrovert and that’s what I was
gonna say on my last point, that those of us who are INFJs, who are on the more introverted
side, who are more shy, what you need to realize is you have this gift of extroverted feeling, where if you can just trust yourself to go out into the social world and just trust yourself that, yeah, I can just instinctively know how to navigate these things, and it’ll take a little practice. I’m not saying it’s total, maybe instinct is a bad word. It’s not total instinct but it’s just the way
your feeling is oriented, outwards, other people and it’s a strength that you have if you just (laughs) if you just believe in yourself, man. Number eight, INFJs are
sensitive to conflict. Now, yes and no. Yes, extroverted feeling means we
wanna keep things smoothed over but on the other hand, extroverted feeling has this side to it where it can feel comfortable
in navigating conflict. It doesn’t mean that
we’re gonna seek it out. It doesn’t mean we’re
gonna want to go into it but it does mean that we
can kind of understand these interpersonal human connections. We understand how everyone
in the room is feeling and also because we have that balance of feeling and thinking
we can go back and forth pretty well understanding
everyone’s point of view from an emotional standpoint, as well as applying our own logic to it and figuring out what the
best course of action is and so, while we don’t like conflict, INFJs can be very good
at resolving conflict and can go into it pretty confidently and saying, look, we
can all work this out, it’s not a bid deal. So yeah, we’re sensitive to it. We’re sensitive but we can handle it. You got this, bro. Ooh, number nine. This one hurts. INFJs end up in one-sided relationships. Says right here. One-sided relationships occur when others take more than they give. Yeah, I’m sure a lot of us have been in this kinda situation before where we have a friend
or significant other, maybe even a family member, and they just need from us. They just take and we’re willing to give it because that’s how our
feeling is oriented, extrovertedly, and we want to make other people happy but if you’re not careful, you can just get into this pattern of this is all your relationships is you don’t wanna stand up and say, hey, can someone make me happy, can we turn this around for a second? It’s really something to watch out for, especially you younger INFJs. This is something you’re
gonna fall into a lot. The older ones of us, 30 and above, we might have gone
through the pattern enough to realize, oh, I need to be
selfish every once in awhile and stand up for myself and
make sure that I’m happy and make sure my needs are met. But when you’re younger,
you’re gonna fall into this. You’re gonna be like, let me just make sure this
other person’s needs are met and you’re not gonna think about yourself and you’re going to wake up one day and be like, ooh, there’s
nothing in it for me. There’s nothing in this
relationship for me and then you’re gonna
feel bad for thinking that because I shouldn’t think that, that’s selfish, I shouldn’t
think about myself. How effed up is that, you know? Speaking of which, if you eff
with this video smash like. But seriously, you
younger INFJs out there, watch out for this. You’re going to, you’re gonna fall, I guarantee you, you’re
gonna fall victim to this. So, watch out for it. Number 10, INFJs are
looking for their soulmates. Yes. I mean, who isn’t really? But I think that INFJs generally, they don’t like dating. They don’t like this search. INFJs really hate that because our inferior function
is extroverted sensing, which is basically, looking out there and gathering, a dating app is extroverted sensing. It’s, oh crap, I gotta look
through all these profiles, I gotta read a bunch, I gotta figure out who these people are, I’ve gotta take in all this new data. We hate that garbage. And then we’ve gotta go out
and meet people on dates. We gotta spend our time. It might not go anywhere. It’s like a nightmare for most INFJs. So, we have this happy little fantasy that hopefully maybe I’ll
just be out somewhere, I’ll be at the movie theater
and this cute girl will walk up and we’ll be buttering
our popcorn together. Ooh, that sounded wrong. We’ll be at the soda fountain and she’ll spill some soda on me and I’ll say, hey girl, not cool but would you like to be my soulmate? Fantasies like that, where we can just instantly go to, okay, cool, relationship. That deep intimacy that
we talked about before. We don’t wanna have to go
through the gathering process of getting to know someone
and all these details, getting to know multiple
people and narrow down stuff. I mean, we like the narrowing down. We just don’t like the
gathering to begin with. Of course, everything in
this article being said, it’s very very difficult
to find that person with whom you are going to
make a connection like that and it can really feel
impossible and hopeless and (laughs) all I can tell you is this might be one that INFJs
need to simmer down a bit on. If you go out there
looking for your soulmate, you are looking for this
really abstract thing, which of course, you’re an INFJ. That’s what you do. You look for these abstract things that are really narrowed in, focused in. This small little thing,
this is what I want, in the abstract. Guess what? It doesn’t exist in real life. So, what you’ve gotta do is dial down this image of
your soulmate and just be like, crap I gotta go out and I’ve gotta do the
thing I don’t wanna do. I’ve got to gather a bit. I’ve got to go out. I’ve gotta meet new people. I’ve got to be open to
things that are outside of this very narrow intuition that I have, this very narrow projection of the future. Maybe I’ve gotta let myself be a little bit socially drained. You know, you’re an introvert. You don’t want to get out there that much, spend a bunch of energy but you’ve just got to. But the thing is I think if you let go of this
idea of the perfect person, soulmate, this very narrow
definition you have, just let go of it and accept that you might never get the exact perfect thing you
want out of a relationship. Maybe that’s when all of a
sudden it’ll just come to you, this person, because all the sudden
you’ve opened up more. You’re open to more possibilities. You’re open to gathering more information. So, don’t give up but realize that if you are having a hard
time finding your soulmate, this is gonna sound harsh, it’s your fault. You are too narrow. You are too narrowed in. I’m not saying lower your
standards to a ridiculous degree but what I’m saying is, take an honest look at yourself and see how am I just laser focused in on this abstract thing and how much do I need to
realize what reality is and open my eyes a bit. You know I’m sayin’? Because a relationship’s gonna be hard even if it’s with your perfect person because all humans are difficult to get along with, basically but the good news is you have
that extroverted feeling, so you should be capable, if you just apply yourself a bit, to navigate relationships
and figure it out. But it starts with dialing
down the introverted intuition and realizing, whoa, I
don’t have it figured out, I don’t know exactly what
a soulmate looks like. At that point then, I feel
like you can actually find it. It’s kinda this reverse psychology you gotta play on yourself. Thanks so much for watching. I really appreciate it. If you wanna see another INFJ video, click or tap the screen right there. If you wanna see my last video, click or tap the screen right there. Make sure you hit like, subscribe and until next time stay cool and attractive. (upbeat music)

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